You saved me

Chapter 32

"Remind me why I have to go to this thing again?" Meredith huffed down the corridor at Teddy.

"Well you were invited, it would be rude not to."

"Yeah but it's Mark's party, won't it be awkward."

"Why would it be awkward?" Teddy asked. Meredith hadn't told anyone about the exchange her and Derek had had. And she was sure he would be at Mark's party being his best friend and all. She was glad that they hadn't seen each other over the last week and when they had they tried their best to divert from one another.

"Oh because Mark is deciding to throw a costume party he is probably expecting us to show up in slutty outfits" That was a good cover up she told herself.

"True. I might just dig out my old doctor military uniform."

"Mark's going to have a field trip with that you know right?"

"I do." Teddy sent a suggestive grin before heading off leaving Meredith on her own.

She pulled out her phone and decided to message Alex.

M: Are you going to this thing later?

A: What thing?

M: Marks

A: Chicks in slutty costumes of course I am. Mark knows how to throw a good party!

M: You don't know that they will be slutty plus what happened to Jo?

A: I don't think she's as into me as I thought

M: Oh shut up come find me we can chat

A: I don't need a heart to heart

A: BTW do you need me to grab Ellis?

M: No need but thanks, Mary is babysitting for me later.

----

If someone were to ask what a bachelor pad looks like it would be Mark's place. The place was surprisingly clean though he clearly didn't do it himself the likelihood was he paid someone, though his last cleaner he had slept with.

Upon arrival she caught Mark coming over with two drinks in hand followed by his famous grin. His outfit was the most covered up when compared to many others. He had gone for the top gun look which entail meant everyone had to call him Goose for the rest of the night.

"You know I never envisioned you in a fairy outfit. God will I be having good dreams tonight."

She sarcastically dropped her face in shock and hit his arm.

He moved to not knock the drinks out his hands. "Ay ay steady on."

"One of these mine?" Meredith reached out to take one which in turn made Mark move them back.
"No actually, that one is for my newly met ...friend...."

"You forgot her name already didn't you?" She laughed.

"Yeah."

"Manwhore."

"You may be right but don't pretend your innocent." He whispered before shouting behind him.
"Maverick!" She looked over to where he was shouting but was confused to who he was calling as no one turned around.
"Maverick!"
"Derek!" He shouted once again across the room.
God why didn't she put two and two together Goose & Maverick, Mark & Derek.
"Tinkerbell needs a drink over here" Mark pointed down and ran off as the two looked at each other. Derek continued his way over though at a much slower pace. The slower pace was doing something for him. It really did feel like something out of Top Gun, all he needed was the song. He reached for his glasses and pocketed them to the side of his white suit.

Upon reaching her, he nervously scratched the back of his head before speaking.
"Glad you're here, I just want to apologize about that night. I shouldn't have said you didn't care about Ellis. I just wish you would have told me you were gone."

She didn't respond instead she headed to the nearest empty room that would be away from everyone including Derek, she didn't want to deal with this tonight.
As she went to close the door behind her back he pushed against it to enter.

"Meredith..."

She moved from the door to the middle of the room now standing opposite to him "What you said hurt me. It really hurt me.. Everything I have done I done for me and my daughter and you should have known that from what I told you."

"I know, the moment I left I wished I hadn't said it."

"But you did."

"Meredith I'm sorry."

"I don't want an apology. You said what you said and what hurts is that you look at me like that. You think I don't care! God just say you don't like me don't pull me through the mud."
He heard what she said and stepped towards her, that wasn't at all how he felt. When she was near him he felt intoxicated. The fact she was wearing an extremely low cutting dress didn't help him much. Damn Mark for making this a costume party. Halloween wasn't even close so what was the point other than to see girls dressed up? Well you could guess that was the point for Mark.

Meredith sensed the change in air between them and headed for the door before anything happened. Though, as she glided, Derek grabbed onto her wrist to pull her back.
"Meredith, don't run away from me".

Her eyes drifted down to his hand.
"Let go of me."
He removed his grip and shook his head "Meredith, I don't know what it is that you've done to me, it's like you've placed me under a spell. What happened the other day we both know was unacceptable but more so it was out of character for you. You do this and I forgive you, I forget it happened in my eyes you are so perfect that it's killing me because you won't let me in! Why can't you see that I'm in this. Meredith I –"

" Don't, don't say it because I don't feel the same." She lied. She didn't mean it. She felt the same way, but she couldn't open herself up for someone not after last time. And last time is still yet to be over. She was stupid for thinking that she could start over here. Finn would always be around stopping her. For the safety of her and Ellis she needed to leave and Derek wouldn't understand that so it was just better this way, to lie.

He grabbed her hands and pulled her close to his chest "Meredith, I know you feel something for me. I need you to know that I love you. I love you Meredith. I want to scream loud. I want everyone to know I love you and I love Ellis. You beating me for chief position has to have been one of the best things that ever happened to me in my life I just need you to know that."

Tears dropped from her eyes. He loved them both, Ellis and her. How could someone be so perfect and yet she couldn't have him all because of her past. It wasn't fair to bring Derek in on that he doesn't deserve to have her broken, damages self it's bad enough that Ellis does Meredith, though she will do all she can to protect Ellis. That's why she has to put Ellis above herself "Derek, I'm leaving."
He grabbed her face to pull her in , he needed to kiss her, but she pulled herself back knowing what he was going to do. It would just make things harder.
"No, we can't, and you know we can't after what I've just said to you. "

"Meredith just tell me you feel the same, just tell me"

"I can't tell you what you want to hear Derek. What you want? I can't give give it. Please I beg you find someone else who can because I can't" She spoke softly through broken tears.

"Meredith just say it, we can sort the rest later you don't need to leave."

"You wouldn't get it. This is something I have to do. My life has gone the complete opposite direction that I wanted it to the day I met you, I thought it could change But recently I now realise it can't. Girls like me don't get what they want. They have to take and what they take isn't necessarily what they want. It's just what they need. I needed this job. I needed to get away from where I was and now I need to leave from where I am. So I can't tell you that I love you as it will break me and make me not want to leave! And I need to leave if not for myself then for my daughter. I hope you all understand someday with your own child. And don't worry I'll name you the next chief." She fleed the room trying to pull herself back together.

He mumbled "I don't want the job."
As the door shut leaving him all alone "I just want you."