Everyone has there own way for coping with stress. In my family we all reacted differently to the news about Alexis. Some for the better, others not.
My younger brother dealt with this by video games. He's always playing GTA5. Some people say it's because he's a 10 year old, of course he's playing games. One thing I noticed is when I stay up on my laptop, I hear him cry. Not every night, but most. Of course he would never admit it, but you can tell he understands and it affects him the same as any of us.
My older brother deals with it through drugs. :( He smokes and I don't judge him, I just worry. He drinks and has tattoos. Part of that is because he is a teen and that's likely, the other part is of the past and what's going on right now.
My mom reacted in her own way: sleeping, working extra hours, and painkillers. She spends a lot of time sleeping or working. Is it bad that I'm glad she's always working/sleeping? When she is home and awake, she yells A LOT. It always gets centered to me or something I did. I shouldn't really overthink it, but sometimes it gets to me. When everyone blames you, you start to blame yourself. She's gotten better about the painkillers, but not the yelling.
In December, when I finally realized what was happening, I started reading more books and listening to new music. One book series I became obsessed with was the Percy Jackson series. My friend Jamee introduced me to a rp group that focused on the series. In that group I met some of the greatest friends I could ever meet. (besides jamee and darby, these are my only real friends and that's great to me. ) They have always been there for me and I couldn't be happier.
One thing I do a lot though that I'm trying to change is that I hold in my feelings. I've been trying to change that by writing this and by talking but it doesn't work well and I find myself listing to sad songs, often. One of the songs that effects me the most though is My Immortal by Evanescence. I hear it and I cry, but when I don't listen to it, I feel like I'm trapped in a straight jacket or something and I need to get out.
I guess we don't deal with it that well :( I also have a really bad problem that I just need to say right now : I always get the feeling like everyone hates me. I don't know why, I hope it's not true but I always feel that way. I tell myself nobody hates you, but then after I speak I always think: "Was that the thing that will make them hate you? " I don't know why I'm saying this I guess I'm just wondering why I feel that way? I know you can't tell me why but I just don't know. Thank you to anyone who is reading this. <3
