What's the point anymore......friends all being suicidal, dealing with inner demons, not even able to get out of bed.......We don't deserve this..why can't our brains let us be happy for one fucking day? Why do we have to cry to ourselves feeling worthless and want to kill ourselves 24/7? Why can't there be a day where I don't think 'if I do it now no one would even know' why do my friends have to deal with me? Why do my friends have to fall apart even more? Why can't I just........................die?
That was from earlier^^^ It's now 12:06 and I'm not too good.....Everyday when people go to school I feel like my life is a waste. I know it's ironic considering my latest poem but I posted it because I needed it too but it's not helping. Nothing seems to help anymore. If it wasn't for my friends I would end it...I just haven't because it's not fair to them to have put so much effort into me only to see it's a lost cause. It's not just because it's nighttime. These things happen a lot all day but I hide it behind the "Are you okay? *hugs* What's wrong?" and the Truth or Dare and things. If you wanted a truth hard for me to answer andy, it would be "How are you for real?" I use nighttime to post sad updates because no one is awake to check on me, no one is awake to message me with the bs of reading the update then out of the blue "love you" I stay awake because I'm scared to fall asleep at night. I feel like I'll open my eyes and see something in front of my face and the later I stay up the longer I sleep in. The more school hours I miss the less I feel like i'm a worthless failure of society. The less I feel it would be better to go offline and swallow all my mom's pills. I can't help my friends, I'm not learning in school, I'm not doing anything and I feel myself going insane. My only human contact is with these assholes who tell me I'm garbage and my friends who can't talk for long because school and service issues. Babe tries to talk to me but it's not fair to have him suffer for me. I already physically hurt him, no need to ruin his grades. It's not like we'll be together long anyways..he'll find someone better who isn't suicidal and a self harmer and can be with him....not someone who causes him physical pain. *cries* I'm sorry Brian I'm so sorry I'm sorry I'm not strong enough I'm sorry I hurt you I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so fucking sorry
