Hi everyone...I'm not okay. That's not news at all but I'm getting worse and nobody knows. Everything is fucking with my head and I can't handle it anymore. I feel alone. I don't have anyone I feel comfortable talking to anymore. The only person I trust enough I feel like I let down by being so fucked up. And even worse if I were to message him, he's an adult who's busy and doesn't want to talk to one of his former students in the summer. He has people who he actually enjoys talking to and I KNOW I'm not one of them.
Also I see pictures of Gabe with his girlfriend and it still hurts. Yes I did have a beautiful girlfriend after dating him but I was really in love with him. I will always have a little bit of feelings for him. He was my first heartbreak who never even loved me.
I'm getting way worse. I just want to cut and last night I did. I wanted to just end it. I was so close and ready but I didn't because I didn't want to get blood on the chair I was in and too lazy to go somewhere else. Every night I talk multiple people out of suicide but I just...I can't anymore. I just want to scream out to the world "I'M NOT OKAY AND I WANT TO DIE!!!" The worst part is nothing will change unless I am dead. My dad never messaged me back with the insurance information and every time I message about it he says he's busy and will tell me later. I'm suffering and I can't do it anymore. I know everyone is mad at me and no one will read this. If someone anywhere reads this, I'm sorry.
-lost cause
