The thing about death is: you never know when it's going to happen, or to whom. One minute you can be in a car the next minute you could be gone because of an accident. Or you could be arguing with people on the internet about celebrities and the next minute they could die from who knows what. The reason why I'm writing this is because I have thought: if I was gone, I could help Alexis. I could get away from Ryan and mom, I would be free from stress, no one would care, it would be perfect. (No I'm not suicidal or anything) I would never do that to myself I just mean if an accident happened, that would be okay. Then tonight I had a panic attack because I couldn't remember if the front door was locked (I still don't know..THAT DOES NOT MEAN SHOW UP AT MY HOUSE! I WILL PROTCT MYSELF AND IM A BITTER) and I had to text a friend freaking out thinking I was a goner. And I realized I'm terrified at the thought of death. I was at a carnival on the fourth where I almost fell out while it was spinning they had to get me off the ride. I don't like the idea of death, I just wish I could be more useful. Everyday I sit around doing nothing because I can't do anything useful. I want to donate blood but I can't because I only weigh 74.8 pounds. (I checked today) I feel stressed and useless and I hate it. I wish I was older so I could get a message and donate a kidney or something. I don't know. I'm sorry this was like a waste of time I just feel useless, and stressed all the time. I'm really sorry for wasting your time writing this, and if anyone has their phone volume up and this woke them. I know this is stupid. Sorry. <3
