I messed up, like always. I tried to help, made someone mad. I tried to bring my grade up, got yelled at. I didn't erase things, lost my friends. Every choice I make backfires. Everything I do is a mistake. I don't want to complain, or be sad..that's just what I am. I'm losing hope, nothing seems to be getting better....nothing is changing. "Things will get better.." WHEN?! IN FOUR YEARS ?! AFTER I'VE GIVEN UP?! AFTER I STOPPED TRYING?! AFTER I'VE LOST EVERYTHING?! EVERYONE?!
School's almost over for me...I'm being transferred....at home I'm blamed for everything..even my mom cheating. At school I get yelled at and called a failure, I get ignored by my so called friends because they all freaking have crushes on eachother so I'm just here like the trucking turkey I am. I act like I don't notice..but I see everything. I see my friends making plans to hang out without me, I see them holding hands in the hallway, I see how I won't get noticed unless I make an idiot of myself by saying random things just trying to be included. At my uncle's, all my brother does is say: "Why won't you go see Alexis?" When all I want to scream: "I don't want them seeing my arms!!! I don't want them going through my messages!!!!" That's all over now..I've already lost everyone..my paranoia is getting worse to the point where I'm seeing things, and I'm starting to over think everything. I need....a way to undo everything...but can't.
