It's almost been a year since the call, and I've only seen Alexis twice. Once I was able to convince my mom that Alexis missed me, the other time was when she came over for Christmas. I'm not going to lie. I blame myself. Every week I get a text asking if a can come over to visit, and every week I make up an excuse because I'm scared to ask my mom.
Over the year, she has gotten more aggressive. The painkillers are part of that. She yells at me for everything, but I don't blame her. I mess up a lot. A month ago (about) I had a friend over, we were in my room. I was in my phone and she was on my laptop. My mom came in and asked to use my phone. I said no for multiple reasons . The first reason is because she was using it to get the painkillers. Sure they knocked her put for a couple hours, but they also made her angrier. The other reason was because I was talking to my internet friends. If my mom had seen, she would make me get rid if my Facebook. At that time, my internet friends were keeping me going. I don't mean I was depressed or suicidal or anything. I just mean they were there for me when I felt like I had no one. Just making it clear I do not suffer from depression or anything.
When I said no, mom tried to take the phone. I moved away from her trying to keep it. What happened next was an accident and I did deserve it. She took the usb out of the phone charger and hit me once in the back. She took my phone and called whoever. That was the only time she did that. She came back in later and said she was sorry and that it was an accident. My friend said after she left the room the second time was "If I hadn't been here, would she have apologized? " I honestly didn't know. Part of me hoped the answer was yes, but part of me was saying of course not.
She hadn't physically hit me ever before that, nor afterwards. And she has slowed down dramatically with the painkillers, unfortunately that does make her moody but it is better. I'm sorry I can't do an update on my sister because I don't know how she is. Last I had seen her (Christmas) she was on oxygen and slept most of the time. Everyday I go to school, I refuse to put on makeup just in case I get called down with the news. I seriously do not know why I write all of these things, for 14 years I have pushed away everything so I honestly do not know why I'm letting it out now.... thanks for reading <3
