Let Them In (Book 3.0) -INTERSEX

Chapter 13

Faith

It's 7 am, and I have just dropped Teagan off at school. Although I do not have school today because it is Friday, I am still planning to head to the club to order any supplies we have run out of. However, I have other matters to attend to first.

I've been very short with Teagan since last night. I don't know what came over me when I told her no condom or to stay inside. I just loved the way she felt inside me. To the point, I didn't want it to end, and that is why I kept her there. I instantly felt bad afterward. Like I did something wrong, she said she would be there for me regardless, but I can't help but think otherwise.

It isn't anything that she has done. She has been nothing but an amazing person to my son and me, and I love her for that. But I guess that didn't stop me from my next move.

My heart is heavy with guilt and uncertainty as I make my way home, the weight of my decision bearing down on me. I can't shake the feeling that I'm making a terrible mistake, and that my actions will jeopardize the future. My mind is consumed with questions and doubts.

I'm sitting in the bathroom of my house with a Plan B packet. I had taken these countless times when I had sex with George, and the condom broke. I'd be damn if I had his kid again. But with Teagan, this feels wrong. I love her; I know I do. But what if she turns out like George? What if she calls me ugly and tells me no one will ever love me because of my scar or stretch marks?

As I consider my options, a deep ache of sorrow settles in my chest. I'm also terrified of what the future might hold if I choose to have her child. The thought of repeating the pain and heartache I experienced with George is almost too much to bear, and it fills me with a sense of hopelessness that I struggle to shake.

My finger grazes across the box and rips it open. I take hold of the pills and sit on the toilet, thinking this through before making any rash decisions. My mind races with conflicting emotions – fear, love, and the desire to protect myself.

I sigh and think of the woman I love. Thinking of the night we just shared, the way she was gentle, the way she kissed my scar and told me she loved me. My finger runs across my lips as I remember the taste of hers against mine. The memories of our shared passion and intimacy flood my mind, making it even more difficult to come to a decision.

Flashbacks of how she treats my son and loves him like he's her own make me question whether I'm letting my past dictate my future. I sigh and realize I can't do this. If I get pregnant, it's because it was already written to happen. I'm a sole believer that things happen for a reason. And if I get pregnant, the baby would have been made out of love, not mistake.

With a heavy heart and a shaky hand, I palm the pills and then toss them in the sink, running the water as I watch them go down. I toss the box into the trash next to the toilet and turn the shower on to get ready for the day. 

The warm water cascades over me, providing a much-needed reprieve from my thoughts. After my shower, I drive to the club, noticing Hope's truck already parked outside. The club's interior is dimly lit, with the scent of alcohol and cleaning supplies mingling in the air. I spot Lucy wiping down the bar and counting inventory, her face red and puffy from what appears to be tears.

"Hey Luce, what's wrong?" I ask, concern lacing my voice.

"Nothing. Your sister is just an asshole, that's all," she replies, not looking up from her task.

I sit down on the stool in front of her, feeling the smooth vinyl under my fingertips. "What did she do now?"

"Am I not good enough for her?" she blurts out. "Why doesn't she have a heart?"