Shatter My Reality

Since

Stiles' fingers tapped along the top of his knee. His leg bounced while he chewed his already too-short nails. His mind was replaying the day at the Carnival. Trying to rationalize people seeing his face where he wasn't. But nothing made sense.

"Maybe you have a secret twin," Peter piped in unhelpfully, a smirk playing on his lips.

Stiles glared at him.

"Don't listen to him," Derek said, setting down a steaming mug on the coffee table in front of Stiles.

Peter slapped his hands on his lap as he stood. "Well, I'm too tired to be thinking this hard. So good luck and goodnight."

Stiles jumped at the loud sound. He hated how, on edge, he felt. He watched Peter close himself in his room before his attention fell to the familiar blue mug on the table. He froze. The earthy smell of chamomile hit his nose. Holding back a smile, he glanced at Derek, who took a tentative seat next to him. Less than a foot of space remained between them.

Derek said no words, but Stiles heard them loud and clear. 'You don't have to talk, but I'm here if you decide you want to.'

Stiles took the mug into his hands and inhaled the scent. It brought him back to the late nights with his father when he was young. That felt like a lifetime ago.

"Thank you," Stiles whispered.

Derek didn't respond. A long moment of silence hung between them.

"I know I'm not—" Derek straightened his posture. "I know I'm not your alpha. That spot is reserved for Scott, but I hope you trust me as if I were." His eyes stared at the table as if meeting Stiles' eyes would show his true intentions behind the words.

Stiles let out a scoffed laugh. "You know, a year ago I would have laughed in your face. But things are different now. I do trust you just as much as I do Scott. I don't really know when it happened, either. I just remember one day I woke up and realized I cared about what happened to you just as much as I cared about what happened to Scott or Lydia."

Derek met Stiles' eyes this time. There was no blip of his heart; no obvious tell that he was covering a lie. He simply meant it.

"I know trust is hard for you. And I know I'm not one of your betas, but I hope you trust me as if I were."

Derek swallowed the lump in his throat. He was glad Peter had gone to bed, otherwise, he was sure his uncle would have smelled the emotions swirling in Derek's chest. He only nodded, not trusting his voice.

Stiles took a long sip of the chamomile tea and let the memory of talking with his father and Derek's company soothe him. It was a strange thing, Derek's company being soothing. There was a time when he would tense anytime the man was near him. But now that he had gotten to know him, Stiles had grown to care for the sourwolf.

"I don't want you going anywhere alone. I know that you may not like—"

"I won't." Stiles cut in.

Derek raised a brow. He'd expected an argument.

"I mean, I hate the idea of being babysat but—"

"It's not babysitting. It's making sure that Lydia's visions don't come true." Derek cut in this time.

Stiles nodded. "That's why I'm okay with it. Truth be told, I don't want to die."

Something in Derek's chest clenched. He wanted to reach out to Stiles, comfort him in some way. Assure him that he would be safe. But Derek had lost too many people to make a promise like that. He closed his eyes and took in a slow breath. He truly had lost too many people. He couldn't lose Stiles too.

"Did I say something?" Stiles frowned. He noted the tension in Derek suddenly.

"No, I just... I'm tired of losing people," Derek answered quietly.

"It's just me. It's not like I'm Isaac." Stiles shrugged, trying to lighten the mood.

Derek snapped his head toward Stiles, a sharp expression on his face. "You're no less important than Isaac."

Stiles gaped at Derek. Since when?

"Since you've fought alongside me through everything," Derek snapped.

Stiles hadn't realized he'd said that aloud.

"Since you saved my life multiple times. Since you never questioned if my family deserved what happened to them. Since you stood up to my enemies, no questions asked." Derek's tone was sharper than he intended, but the idea that Stiles thought himself any less important to Derek than a pack member frustrated him.

"Oh." Stiles glanced down at the mug in his hand. He hadn't realized Derek even noticed. Something in his chest cracked.

"Beta or not, Stiles, you're a part of this pack. Everyone in this loft right now is equally important to me."

Stiles wasn't sure how he felt about Derek being so sincere. It was intimidating. He squirmed in his seat. His hands gripped the mug even tighter as if it could save him from his feelings. "Even Peter?" he smirked. Joking was a bad habit, he knew, but he used it like a weapon.

Derek snorted a laugh. "Depends on the day."

Stiles grinned, pleased that the moment was less intense.

The pair were quiet for a long moment before Stiles spoke again, "Thank you for letting us stay here. I'm sure it's hard when you're used to silence all the time."

Derek clasped his hands together in front of him. "Believe it or not, the silence is harder. I got used to having a lot of people around me. Even though it's been several years... the silence is still deafening sometimes. These past few days have reminded me how much I miss them."

Stiles was once again gaping at Derek. He was being so open tonight. He was never this open. What was it about tonight that had him so vulnerable? Stiles liked it but, it felt like a lot of responsibility. Having Derek's trust like that. It was like he was carrying around an ancient artifact that could shatter at a moment's notice.

"So thank you for being here." Derek tossed a small grateful smile to Stiles before looking back down at his hands.

Stiles gripped the blue mug once again. He would risk everything to keep that artifact whole if it meant Derek continued to look at him like that.

*AN*
Here you go, hope you like it!💚