Shatter My Reality

This world

Stiles clung to his mug of now cold tea like it was a lifeline. He'd zapped what little warmth was left from the ceramic, leaving the liquid undrunk. The pack remained upstairs, where Derek was assuring them. Stiles had taken the opportunity to slip out.

"You okay?" Spencer's timid voice asked from behind Stiles.

Stiles put on his best calm face and nodded. "Just processing."

"I'm really sorry." Spencer rounded the couch, acting as if he were going to sit but thought better of it.

"Don't you dare apologize. We'll figure this out. We always do."

Spencer bit down on his lower lip.

"And hey, if something does happen, promise me something."

Spencer frowned but nodded.

"Look after Dad. Don't let him drown himself in the bottom of a whiskey bottle."

Spencer's frown deepened, and his eyes glistened with tears.

"And uh, look after Derek too. He may say he doesn't need it, but he does. Just don't push too hard cause he's guarded, and he'll push back. But just be there and show him he can trust you." Stiles dropped his eyes to the blue mug in his hands.

"I'm not you," Spencer said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"You don't have to be."

"They'll hate me if something happens to you."

Stiles contemplated the thought. Would they blame Spencer? It wasn't his fault, but grief is easier to handle if there's someone to blame.

"Malia might try. She's still grasping certain emotions, but Scott would never. I don't think Kira knows how to hate anyone. Peter won't care. Lydia will probably cling to you. Isaac won't care. And Derek will find a way to blame himself."

"I just found you, I don't want to lose you again." The tears in Spencer's eyes danced on the edge, threatening to spill at any moment.

"Don't worry, okay? Like I said, we'll figure it out." Stiles' fingertips pressed into the mug.

"If you weren't worried, you wouldn't have asked me to look after Dad and Derek."

"I'm a planner. It's just what I do." Stiles smiled up at an unconvinced Spencer.

The sound of footsteps coming down the stairs made Spencer straighten up like a soldier awaiting orders. He quickly wiped at a tear that had escaped down his cheek.

"You should get some rest," Stiles said.

"You both should," Peter said with Derek behind him.

Spencer nodded, his eyes darting to Derek and then Stiles. "Goodnight."

Peter stepped around the couch. He wore an expression Stiles hadn't seen on his face before. It almost reminded him of his dad when he was delivering bad news to a family.

"I'm going to do everything I can to make sure the opportunity doesn't present itself."

Stiles pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. "Thanks."

Peter tossed a look to Derek before retreating to his own room.

Stiles could feel Derek's glare, but he refused to look up and see the anger he knew was on Derek's face. "I don't really want to fight with you right now," he said.

"Good, then don't fight." Derek's tone was sharp.

Stiles sighed and set his mug down before finally meeting Derek's gaze. He stood next to the couch, his arms crossed over his chest, wearing a blank yet expectant expression.

"I know what you want me to say, and it's not happening. I'm gonna do whatever I have to to keep you all safe."

Derek's arms fell away in an exasperated huff. "You understand how insane that is, right? Like I'm a literal werewolf. I can heal."

"To an extent. You're not invincible, Derek." Stiles stood. So much for not fighting.

"You're not either."

"You think I can live with myself knowing I could have saved you and didn't?"

"You think I can?"

"Yes."

Derek's jaw ticked. "Well, I don't want to."

"You'll get over it." Stiles waved a dismissive hand.

"I don't understand you. Why are you so eager to throw your life away?"

"You haven't gotten a chance to be happy. This world has taken so much from you. It can't have you too."

Derek faltered. Whatever argument he'd been ready to spew fell away. "You're right."

Stiles blinked. He'd not been expecting that.

"This world has taken so much from me, so I won't let it take you too."

Stiles wanted to read into that. Wanted to think Derek cared more than he did. But it was likely only because of the guilt it would warrant.

"You deserve to be happy too. You have your whole life ahead of you. You have people who love you. This world has also taken a lot from you. So why are you so eager to give it more?" Derek took a step forward, acting like he wanted to reach out to Stiles, but he didn't.

Stiles' eyes trained on the wood floor between them. His tone came out quieter and more broken than he'd intended. "Maybe I don't want to live in it anymore. Maybe I can't live with the things I've done. Maybe losing you would be too much."

Silence hung in the air.

"Stiles." Derek's bare feet stepped into Stiles' view. His chin was lifted so that his eyes now met Derek's. "I know that pain. Too well. You can't let it win."

Tears pricked at Stiles' eyes.

"You were manipulated. It wasn't your fault."

Derek's hand dropped from Stiles' chin. "And you were possessed. It wasn't actually you."

"I let it in."

"And I trusted her."

Stiles took in a deep breath. How could he make Derek understand that losing him would be different for him than it would for Derek.

"If something happens to me, you'd get over it. I don't think I'd ever get over losing you."

"How can you say that?" Derek's tone was sharp.

"Because I care about you more than you care about me." Stiles shrugged.

Derek's eyes narrowed, and his brow furrowed.

Stiles' eyes dropped. He'd said too much. Derek was too smart not to figure out what Stiles was insinuating.

"Stiles-"

"I promise not to do anything stupid, but if I have the opportunity to save your life, I'm taking it, and you can't convince me not to." Stiles turned to go to his room when Derek caught his forearm. Stiles dared to meet his eyes.

"Then I hope you know I'm gonna do the same." Derek released his arm.

"Goodnight, Derek." Stiles turned away.

***

Derek watched Stiles slip into his room. He wanted to stop him, wanted to tell him that he cared about Stiles more than he should. But he couldn't bring himself to. Fear kept his feet planted, and his mouth shut. But he would do anything he had to to make sure nothing happened to Stiles. He'd lost someone he loved once, and he'd barely survived then. He was much more broken now and was sure he wouldn't survive a second time.

*AN*
Hope those who celebrate, had a happy Thanksgiving. Hope you liked the chapter!!