Shatter My Reality

Leave

Stiles gripped at the balcony railing. He'd stood on this balcony many times. It was a peaceful place for him. Derek's loft in general had become a safe haven of sorts. Especially now with Lydia's visions telling of his pending demise.

Stiles wished he could tell Derek how safe he made him feel. But he doubted it would be accepted well. Although, to Derek's credit, he'd been letting Stiles in more. Letting him comfort him, letting him see glimpses of the life he kept private. The words of his mother and sister were heavy on Stiles' heart. Derek had once been lively and bright-eyed. Stiles wondered what that Derek would be like.

He imagined Derek laughing loudly at a joke. He wasn't sure he knew what Derek's laugh even sounded like. Not genuinely. Sure he'd laughed but not truly without abandon. Maybe he'd get the honor one day. If he survived. Whatever was coming for him was still out there. But that was a problem for later. Right now he had to tell his twin brother that his life had been a lie.

The table fell silent as Stiles stepped into the room. Spencer's smile faded to a concerned frown.

Stiles felt like this was a dream. He was watching himself with his friends, only it wasn't him. He pushed down the lump forming in his throat. Spencer wasn't him. The pack knew that.

"It's in my room. You know where," Derek said after a long moment of silence.

Stiles nodded.

"Do you want..." Derek trailed off, his back straightening.

"Maybe you could put on some tea for after." Stiles slid his sweat-slicked hand down his pants. He hated how nervous he was.

Derek nodded -no hint of disappointment on his face; only understanding.

"Spencer, can we talk?" Stiles jabbed a thumb toward Derek's room.

Spencer silently followed Stiles to Derek's door.

"Actually, why don't you wait in there. I'll only be a second." Stiles pointed to his own room.

Stiles wouldn't admit that he didn't want Spencer in Derek's room. No one was allowed in Derek's room. It was an understood thing. Derek's space was Derek's space. And while the loft had been extended to the pack. Derek's room was off-limits. But that was another thing Derek had given Stiles. An invitation into his personal space. A sense of pride filled Stiles, knowing Derek trusted him in here. He didn't want that invitation extended to Spencer. Call him selfish or jealous, but he liked being the only one.

Stiles slid his hand behind Derek's side table, pulling out a hollowed-out book. Inside sat the leather journal. He ran his fingers over the leather. He wondered if Talia knew how important this book would become. How her words would change the lives of so many people. He wished she was here to thank. He closed his eyes and whispered.

"Thank you, Talia."

Stiles put the hollowed book back and stepped out of Derek's room, almost into Derek himself.

"Oh." Stiles' heart leapt. Had Derek heard him? The look on Derek's face suggested maybe he had. His jaw was slack, and his eyes glossed in a way he'd only seen when reading the journal.

Derek cleared his throat. "I wanted to make sure Chai was alright."

Stiles cocked his head. He always made chamomile.

Derek dropped his eyes to where Stiles held the journal to his chest in a tight hug. "I thought that chamomile would be reserved for our late nights unable to sleep."

Something about the way Derek said 'our late nights' made Stiles' stomach flip. He fought back a smile. "Chai's great."

Stiles hated how Derek made him feel. He wondered why he was being so nice to Stiles. What had he done to garner Derek's trust, he wondered. Maybe he'd ask him over tea sometime.