Shatter My Reality

Be him

Derek sat at the dining room table with his head in his hands. The pack meeting had gone about as good as he'd imagined. Half of it was spent arguing with Stiles about pretending to be Spencer. The other half was trying and failing to come up with a plan that kept any of Lydia's visions from coming true.

A soft click of a door and the gentle pad of bare feet approaching made Derek's head lift.

"Got a minute?"

Derek's eyes scanned the twin in front of him, taking in his tousled chestnut hair and wide brown eyes. His teeth were sunk into his bottom lip. If Derek didn't know better, he'd assume it was Stiles in front of him.

"Everything alright?" Derek asked, gesturing towards one of the empty chairs across from him.

"That's a loaded question, isn't it?" Spencer chuckled.

"Fair enough."

"I umm, I wanted to apologize," Spencer said, taking a seat.

Derek frowned. What did Spencer have to apologize for?

"I didn't mean for things to get so messy. I'm sorry I led them here."

"You couldn't have known," Derek said.

"I'm also sorry that Stiles is in danger because of me." Spencer cast his eyes to his hands, which were clasped tightly in his lap.

"You aren't responsible for what Stiles does. He told them he was you because he wants you safe."

"Is he always so... self-sacrificing?" Spencer asked.

Derek pushed away from the table. "You want tea?"

"Sure." He followed Derek into the kitchen.

"Stiles is... fiercely loyal. He'll do anything to save those he cares about. Right now, he thinks this is the best way."

"He told me if something happens to him, you'd find a way to blame yourself. Promise me you won't. Promise me you'll blame me."

Derek paused, two mugs in hand. "What?"

"Stiles asked me to look after you if something happens to him. I was worried you all would hate me, but he assured me that you'd blame yourself. I've been thinking about that and... that feels... worse."

Derek's jaw clenched. He turned away from Spencer.

"I can't even imagine how you'd manage to spin it to blame yourself. But just remember that I led them here. It's my magic they want. I'm the reason all of this is happening."

"Why are you saying this?" Derek demanded, turning back to face Spencer, his eyes narrowed.

"Because if I've failed Stiles by getting him killed. I won't fail him by letting you take the blame. He cares about you a lot. I can't imagine loving someone so much that you're willing to die for them. I've never had that. I moved too much to really get close to anyone. I envy it."

"Don't. It feels awful."

"Having an unconditional love like that feels awful?" Spencer snorted in disbelief.

Derek turned back to the kettle as it clicked off. The water boiled inside.

"It feels a little like drowning," he said quietly.

"Why?"

"Because the fear of losing them is suffocating."

"So you're saying it's better to have never loved at all rather than loved and lost?"

Derek cast a glare in Spencer's direction. "What are you, a philosopher?"

"No, I'm just trying to understand you."