Shatter My Reality

A Dream

Derek didn't turn when Stiles stepped onto the balcony behind him.

"Thank you," Stiles said. It was a lame start but he didn't know what to say to him. "

"You don't have to thank me." Derek's tone was sharp.

Stiles knew that tone. He'd been on the receiving end of that tone a few times.

"You're mad."

Derek's hands clenched around the railing. "You made a deal to save me and Peter. You used a spell from the book. And now..."

"I had to use a spell."

"The book wasn't meant for someone like you."

Stiles' stomach dropped. Someone like him.

"But you used it anyway, and it almost killed you. I've almost lost you multiple times, and now you're considering leaving. Being with..." Derek bowed his head. He hadn't looked at Stiles yet.

"I didn't mean to put you all at risk. I never wanted that. Why would you all risk yourselves for me? I don't—"

"Because none of us want to live in a world where you're not in it," Derek snapped. He turned to look at Stiles for the first time. His expression was stone. It reminded Stiles of the first time he'd met Derek. Stoic. Stiles knew now that was a wall Derek put up. He had thought he'd pushed through the last of that wall. It hurt to see it now.

Stiles bit down on his bottom lip. "Thank you."

"I don't want your thanks, Stiles." Derek turned away again.

"You don't me to be Gatlin's emissary," Stiles guessed. But why? He wasn't needed here. Gatlin needed him. He wanted to say as much, but he didn't want the confirmation.

There was a long moment of silence before Derek asked, "Is that what you really want?" his tone was quiet, like he was afraid of the answer.

"Honestly, Derek, I don't know. It was nice to be needed." Stiles shrugged.

"We need you," Derek said, turning back around. "Do you know how lost we were?"

Stiles' heart soared. But he knew it wasn't true. "Gatlin needs me. And I could be an emissary. Doing the spell for him felt really, really good. I used my magic to help him. I want to help. I want to be an emissary. "

"So why can't you be mine?" Derek took a half step toward Stiles.

Stiles blinked. "What?"

"I didn't know that was something you wanted, but if you want to be an emissary that bad, be mine."

"What about Spencer?"

Derek's brows furrowed. "What about him?"

Stiles' eyes dropped to the concrete below him. "I mean It's inevitable, right? Spencer is a natural emissary, and you're an amazing alpha. He's stronger than me." He shrugged.

Derek's frown deepened. "It's not about strength, Stiles. It's about connection and trust. And I trust you more than anyone."

"You two have gotten really close, though."

"What makes you think that?"

"He said you helped him with his magic. Sareen saw you two talking. And... even before... I saw the mugs in the sink." Stiles shrugged. He hoped Derek couldn't smell the jealousy on him.

"Stiles," Derek sighed. "I was helping him because he's your brother. And every time we talk, it's about you."

Stiles jerked his head up. "What about me?"

Derek averted his eyes, his hands clenched and unclenched at his sides. "He wanted me to talk to you."

"Talk to me about what? We talk all the time."

"While you were gone, I lost control of my shift."

Stiles' eyes widened. "What? You've never lost control of your shift."

"Yeah. I couldn't figure out why. Spencer helped me."

Stiles pushed down the jealousy that clawed at his chest. Derek was only proving his point.

"He made me realize that my anchor wasn't anger anymore. It was you."

Stiles gaped at Derek.

"I'm embarrassed to admit that I hadn't realized sooner. Afterward, I kept thinking about when that could have possibly happened. I think it happened when I..."

Stiles noted the uneasy shift of Derek's posture, the way his shoulders tensed. He rarely, if ever, saw Derek so anxious. "Derek, if you don't want to talk about this then—"

"No, I do. I need to say this because it was all I could think about while you were gone. The fact that I may never get to say it to you tore me up inside."

"Say what?"

There was a long pause before Derek reached out, taking Stiles' hands in his. "That I'm in love with you."

"What?" he squeaked. Was this a joke? Was he asleep? Was he in a dream?

"You don't have to say anything. I just need you to understand how important you are to me and that I could never imagine anyone but you being my emissary."

Stiles' mouth fell open. This had to be a dream. He was still in a magical coma.

"You..." Stiles shook his head, pulling back. He looked down at his fingers. One. Two. Three.

Derek grabbed his hands again. "This isn't a dream, Stiles."

He met Derek's eyes. They were full of hope and anxiety. Derek needed him. Derek wanted him. Derek loved him. It didn't feel real.

"If you really want to be Gatlin's emissary, then I won't stop you. But I can't let you go without fighting for you."

Stiles surged forward, his lips crashing into Derek's. It felt like a dream. He was sure he'd wake up any minute, but he was going to enjoy every moment of this before it was ripped away. His hands clasped the sides of Derek's face.

When he pulled back, it was just enough to whisper between them. "Of course I'm in love with you, too. And I want to be your emissary more than anything."

Derek's shoulders relaxed.

Stiles leaned his forehead against Derek's and waited for the rainstorm of reality to come crashing down around him like shards of glass. But it never came.