The Lion, The Witch, And The Audacity Of This Bitch

50: How to get them good good tax benefits😫😫

You can have one day without threats, but in return you have to agree to wholeheartedly accept Jinxus Crimes as your lord and dictator.
You must cause uncontrollable chaos every where you go, turning everyone you meet into victims of your remarkable idiocy.
The world exists, and it's your job to fix that.
You don't exist to please anyone, you exist to spite God. (even though he already died, thank you Jinx)

I did no proofreading for this chapter<3

"Hey, dad?"

"Yes?" Chrollo, Silva, Shalnark, Uvogin, and Dave replied. Which was weird because Dave wasn't here three seconds ago.

"..."

"Kalluto!"

"Killua did it!" Kalluto screamed, and then ran like their life depended on it. Unfortunately Kalluto ran into a wall. So, logically, they cut down a wall and installed a door. And then kicked down the door and ran. As one does.

Now, you may be wondering why the troupe and the Zoldycks were near each other. That's because Silva and Chrollo got married for tax benefits.

It's been, canonically, a year since last chapter. The author considered not posting this chapter for a year, so be grateful that they didn't decide to go through with that.

To give a quick recap of the past year:

The Phantom troupe didn't officially move into the Zoldycks estate. Key word: Officially.

They just started... wandering in. They'd join family meals, have full on conversation with the Zoldycks, tag along for assassination missions, get blackout drunk with Zeno and end up getting engaged to Silva *cough* Chrollo *cough*, attempt to get praise from the Zoldycks after they kill someone because they're kind of in need praise.. haha...

Zeno praised them after they killed Kikyo. They offered to kill Milluki too, but ultimately forgot Milluki existed.

Milluki still knows nothing. Even though he was, unfortunately, given an invitation to Chrollo and Silva's wedding.

The last Friday of the month is now family game night. The most played games being:

Family Felony Friday, where they compete to see how many felonies they can commit in the twenty-four hour time period.

Dare or Dare(personally I choose dare more often than not), but none of them have self preservation or any moral compass, so it always end in at least three countries getting destroyed.

Darts, where they blindly throw darts onto a map, and then destroy the area it lands on. One time it landed on an ocean, and they were going to just re-throw, but Y/n and Killua misunderstood and accidentally burned the ocean.

Capture the flag, where they pull an Uno reverse and harass Y/n and Killua instead.

Visit the Green Childᵀᴹ, where they all attempt to become father figures to this Green Haired Childᵀᴹ but none of them know how to show love and support outside of murder so the Green Oneᵀᴹ tends to become more traumatized. It's a competition to see who can get the Grass Boiᵀᴹ to love them first.

Spin the bottle, but instead of kissing they fight until one of them is almost dead.

And arguably the most dangerous of them all, Monopoly.

The Hunter Association hates them.

The Chairman, however, absolutely adores them. He sends Silva and Chrollo anniversary gifts. He one-hundred percent supports tax fraud.

Hisoka appears sometimes, just long enough to ask Shalnark about his marriage's extended warranty.

Killua constantly wears a trench coat with kittens in the inside pockets, he offers them to people like they're drugs. Machi has lost billions on kittens.

Y/n accidentally started the largest drug ring in existence.

Feitan smiled once at Phinks. Phinks keeps trying tell people, but nobody believes him.

There's a peacock that just... walks around the house?

Chrollo is legally a mother.

Zeno prefers him over Kikyo. He doesn't understand why Silva married her in the first place.

Y/n's constant attempts on Silva's life haven't stopped. Don't tell anyone but Y/n is Silva's favorite child.

Some cat named Jinx wanders around. Jinx legally owns Illumi. Chrollo has walked in on Jinx and Feitan planning world domination multiple times.

Y/n and Killua once ate a tree because they "thought it was Fettuccine Alfredo."

Kalluto eats so much ice cream that should literally be dead. Dave appears randomly to supply the ice cream.

Killua walks around narrating peoples lives, but like.. terribly. "Shark Tank ate the candy bar. Shark Tank however didn't unhinge his jaw to eat the chocolate bar because he is a incapable loser."

Nobody has a stable sleep schedule.

Y/n and Killua were given coffee once. A billion people died. Coffee is no longer allowed.

They're literally the most wanted criminals in existence. Despite this fact, nobody actually wants them.

The world has evolved in order to handle Y/n and Killua's chaos. But it's not enough. It's never enough.

People sometimes summon Y/n and Killua like they're demons or something. Which they kind of are.

—

After three years pass, Milluki finally joins a family meal and finds Y/n and the entirety of the Phantom troupe there.

Y/n was unaware of Milluki's existence.

Milluki was unaware of Y/n's existence.

They both thought that the other person wasn't real, and just a rumor of some kind.

They would have been shocked, but the bombs Y/n and Killua set months ago all went off, and the entire world blew up. Nobody lived. They're all dead.

Word count: 1030

Fun Facts:

• I swear starting the chapter off is so hard- after that it's super easy, but fucking starting a chapter??? Torture.

• Me: I'm gonna go to sleep after I check my Wattpad notifications!
Me: sees comment asking me to publish the next chapter, replies with "Nah"
Me: well now I'm illegally required to publish the next chapter even though I haven't even started writing it yet.

• Kurta clan: *literally dying*
Y/n: *taking selfies with Killua and posting them online*
The internet: wtf man
Kurapika: *drowning in an indescribable emptiness*

—

Start date: October 31st, 2022
End date: May 3rd, 2023

Yeah, that's it, the thing ends with Milluki and Y/n finding out about each others existence. And slight world destruction, I guess.