Halley's Comet

Thirty Two

BILLIE
December 18

A tornado flew around my room before you came
Excuse the mess it made, it usually doesn't rain

"In Southern California, much like Arizona" I glance at Halley who was staring down at the steering wheel with a blank look on her face.
"My eyes don't shed tears, but boy they pour when..." I pause and Halley looks over at me before singing along with me.

Nope.

"I'm thinking 'bout you" She says in a monotone voice making me sigh and lower the music. I slump back in the seat and stare at my lap in defeat.

When we left the ranch, Halley drove us to a nice view of LA. I smiled immediately when I saw it but Halley just sat there and stared at the wheel. She didn't talk to me the whole way here and I gave up after twenty minutes. It was an uncomfortable silence until I turned on the radio to distract me from my thoughts, distract us both.

I didn't know what to say. Halley told me she loves me then ran away from me before I could even respond. She took her hearing aids out immediately when I got back in the car, leaving me trying to get her attention every time she stopped at a red light.

This silent Halley is scary.

I don't like it. I miss the real Halley, the happy and smiling Halley.

I look over at my girlfriend and stretch my hand out for her to take. She looks down at my hand but soon her hand finds mine and I smile. "Halley" I pause when I see her immediately grow tense.

I think over my next words and look away from her. My eyes peer out the window as my brain races with things to say. "I know you probably don't want to talk about this or are scared to, but I don't want you to be scared to talk to me." My eyes find hers and I gently smile at her.

"I like you a lot" My words are cut off by her shaking her head, breaking her eyes away from mine.

"You don't have to say anything Billie" She tells me in a small voice. "You don't have to say anything" She repeats followed by a soft sniffle.

I immediately reach over and take her seatbelt off. Halley moves to push me away but I shush her and pull her into my lap. "B-Billie it's fine" I shake my head and kiss her forehead.

"What's going on?" I ask her in soft voice as I hold her in my arms. She sighs and wipes at her eyes.

"I didn't mean to say it. I don't know why I said it." She groans in frustration and I frown at her. "I do love you Billie I do. I even planned a whole fucking picnic to tell you" She says and gestures outside making me look out the window.

"You planned to bring me here for a picnic then tell me you love me?" I ask her as I slowly look at her. Halley nods her head. "Well there was more to it but yeah basically" She tells me. I grinned and grabbed her face, smashing my lips against hers. She was shocked but soon kissed me back.

"I can't tell you the same words right now" She moves to get off my lap but I stop her with the shake of my head. "But I know that I am falling in love with you Halley Comet"

She looks at me in shock and I smile. "Billie—" I cut her off, shushing her. "I don't want you to run away when you're scared or nervous"

Halley sighs and looks down at her hands. "I know" She replies in a quiet voice. The car grows silent after that as both our minds race with things to say.

I do love Halley. I absolutely do but I'm just not at the stage of actually telling her yet. I know she wants me to feel the way and express that to her but I can't.

"We should get going" She mumbles after a few minutes. I nod my head but don't respond as she climbs out of my way and sits back in the driver's seat. I look at the time to see it was almost seven.

"Or how about we just sit outside for a little while and maybe try that picnic you were talking about" I suggest with a smile as I look at her.

"You sure?" She asks me to which I nod my head in response. Halley takes the keys out of the ignition and gets out. I follow suit and we make our way to the front of the car. There's a bench off to the side so I sit down.

Halley comes to sit beside me and stares off into the distance. "I really do care about you" I tell her causing her eyes to turn and look at me. "And I'm sorry I can't sa—"

"You don't have to explain Billie. I would never pressure you into saying or even feeling something as vulnerable as that." She then smiles at me and takes my hand in hers. "I love you and nothing is going to change that. I don't need you to tell something you don't mean"

I nod and look away from her slowly. "I know." She wraps her arm around me and I lay my head on her shoulder. "I really like being your girlfriend" I admit causing her to let out a small laugh.

"I like being your girlfriend too pretty"

—

Halley and I laid in my bed on our sides, facing each other with goofy smiles on our faces. "Do you think you will ever officially come out to your fans?" Halley asks me suddenly, shocking me.

I ponder an answer and click my tongue. "Probably. I just don't know when." I told her and she nodded her head. "I honestly would do it now but I'm really just enjoying having you to myself. Once I reveal you to the world as my girlfriend officially and tell them I'm bisexual, our lives will always be on watch."

Halley shifts on the bed and shakes her head. "That's how it is now. Yeah it would be more hectic if you do tell everyone but we will get through it." She takes my hand and smiles. "I got you" She tells me.

I sigh and turn to lay on my back. "I don't know even know who I am anymore Halley" I admit as I stare up at the ceiling. "Being with you has been amazing and I loved every second of it but you're are the first girl I ever been with in any way."

Halley nodded her head at my words and sat up. She pulled her knees to her chest as she leaned against the wall behind us. "I'm not trying to pressure you into telling everyone I'm your girlfriend. I just wanted to know your thoughts on it. Plus you know I love teasing your fans"

I laughed at that and sat up as well. "They're your fans too. You forget you have a little fan base now too"

She smiles and shakes her head. "All because I know the Billie Eilish." She teases and looks over at me. "They are very nosey too. When I go on live and you're not there, they spam my comments asking million questions as to where you were"

"Mine do the same thing especially when I went back on tour without you." Halley laughed at my words. "Yeah I remember joining one time and saw everyone asking about me"She replied making me nod.

I lean my head on her shoulder and smile. "They want you to release your own music" I tell her and she gasps against me.

"They do? Why?"

"Because you have an amazing voice Halley." I move off her shoulder to look at her and she frowns at me. "When I first saw that video of you singing my song, I was truly mesmerized."

"I think you should release music." I tell her and she looks away from me with a shrug of her shoulders. "Plus I would love to make music with my girlfriend" I add with a bright smile.

She laughs and shakes her head. "I'll think about it" was all she told me before she kissed me, silencing me the whole night with just her lips.