Dryad

Farewell

Before leaving, I decided to visit my father or at least see him from afar. I still remember the path he used to take, so I went around just in case and continued on, but I didn't catch him anywhere, neither outside, nor on the porch, nor did I see him from the window walking around the house. When my search didn't help, I sat down on the steps leading to the porch and decided to wait. Maybe I'll catch him before any of the other people see me.

It seemed like several hours had passed and it became difficult for me to be still. It wasn't clear to me why he wasn't there until I saw Celestina approaching me:

-Are you still waiting for him?-well, the answer to this is very obvious:

-Maybe you should come back. He won't come today.-she instructed me and made me stand up.

I gave her a questioning look. How could she know that? Did she kill him while coming here? She should have left murdering him to me:

-He's not coming back, Klarissa. But if it means anything to you, you can visit him where he is buried. I passed by the cemetery on my way to you.-like she accidentally passed by the cemetery after she killed him. I would say that too.

Celestina took me to the cemetery, the only one that the village has, and showed me the place. I know that place. My name is still there, just a name with nothing that was left to bury. And his grave was dug right next to my place, but without anyone to take care of him. At that moment I couldn't explain to myself how could he die. I wanted to dig up the soil with my bare hands just to make sure it was him. How could he do this to me? Leave me again? Leave me without the answers he owes me? Have I ever been such a demanding child that he had to reciprocate in this way:

-Klarissa? You know he'd die sooner or later...-very comforting words coming from a fairy.

I left the cemetery and ran back towards the hill, but I didn't go far. I sat down in the grass where the trees used to hide me from view and I could no longer go forward or back.

I forgot that Tarlow might get worried and look for me when he finds out I'm gone. Only when I heard someone approaching in the early morning did I realize how long I had been outside:

-Klarissa?-Tarlow spoke up and startled me, but other than that he didn't get any reaction from me. I just kept staring into the distance:

-Klarissa.-he called me again and came closer to me.

Tarlow dropped down next to me, fearing that I might have lost my hearing now and he couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. The baby was sleeping peacefully in my arms, and I was as quiet as if I had fallen asleep with my eyes open:

-I thought you ran away. You didn't come back. Celestina had to come pick me up.

"My forest," I showed him.

I know that there is nothing to see of the forest, neither the trees nor the scars that remain, but I can still feel it, I still remember the voices that sang. But even now that I know I can restore it and save at least part of what it once was, I don't know why it's so hard for me to let go of what was. I know I can't turn back time to fix what happened or pretend that nothing actually happened when the pain reminds me of it every time, but then why does it make me so angry? Why do I have the feeling that everything is my fault when I couldn't even influence anything that happened?

Tarlow leaned towards me and hugged me. If only he could hold me like that all day. How could I leave him when he himself would cross the whole country to find me and make sure I was safe:

-You know I would do anything for you, right? I will plant this forest for you myself if necessary, just promise me that you will return home.-he told me in a soft voice, almost as if he was begging me, as if he didn't know that I loved him.

His embrace warmed me more than this summer sun and lulled me to sleep after a sleepless night, but I knew that at least I was safe there. I had to die to be loved, but now I wouldn't change it.