It Can't Be Anyone But You

Coming Home

This is the seventeenth door.

The seventeenth door I wait in front of.

The seventeenth door I stare at and wonder will this be the one?

I have been early for all of them. Each time finding myself standing alone, prepared to be disappointed. Again.

Xiongzhang says I shouldn't be so picky. He says a coat of paint will brighten things up and new furniture will make it feel like home.

He says, "Nothing's perfect."

What's wrong with wanting something to be perfect? To be a place I can come home to and relax the first day it's mine without having to do work or spending money to make it suit my taste? Why do I have to fix someone else's bad judgment of color or poor excuse for interior design?

I sigh.

I'm tired.

I want to go home.

But home isn't where my job is. Not anymore.

It's my own fault. I agreed to take the position at our company's new location here in Chongqing. The city is growing at a fast rate and my uncle wants to establish our family's construction business to take advantage of the increasing need for commercial properties.

So, here I am.

I glance at my watch.

Five thirty pm.

A half hour after the scheduled time.

I want to walk away.

But something keeps my feet from moving.

I don't have anywhere I need to be. My hotel room is small and not in the best part of the city. That's the last time I let Su She handle travel arrangements.

I hear the seconds tick by on my expensive watch. My brother gifted it to me for my twenty-first birthday. He had it custom made. The green face is the color of deep summer maple leaves. A single exquisitely cut peridot stone sits at the twelve position, its sparkle eye-catching.

I only wear it for business meetings. People see the wealth resting around my wrist and feel reassured that their company is in good hands when they hire us.

But it's only for show.

I'm a simple man with simple needs.

So why can't I find a simple place to live to satisfy those needs?

Every realtor I've met (and I've met with 17 of them) has tried to sell me condos that have every modern convenience, every updated security system, every upgrade known to man in order to get me to sign my name on the line next to "buyer".

Five more minutes have passed.

My eyes stare at the polished silver numbers on the door.

1005

I take a deep breath and let it out in a defeated sigh. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe I should just choose from one of the dozen condos I've already seen. It's not like there was anything wrong with any of them. I just didn't feel like I belonged in any of them.

I didn't feel at home in them.

Maybe nothing ever will feel like home.

Even though uncle and I don't always see eye to eye, he's always been there for me. He raised me and Xichen when our mother died and father left. No one asked him to. He just did it. Looking back, I realize he had no idea what he was doing. Hell, if two kids were thrust into my life, I'd have no idea either. So I don't blame him for not being the perfect parent.