It Can't Be Anyone But You

Safe Harbor Part Ten

Lan Zhan sits at his desk, staring out the single large window at the snow covered city. His office is on the eighteenth floor, his view the best one on the floor. It overlooks Central Park, now blanketed in six inches of snow. Everyone in the building went home early to make their way home safely before the storm made travel impossible, including his brother.

His phone buzzes on his desk. Without picking it up, he hits the green accept button followed by the speakerphone feature.

"Didi."

"I'm heading down the elevator now."

"No you're not."

Xichen knows him all too well.

"Come with me." his brother pleads.

"No time. The ship leaves in an hour."

"He would be so happy to see you again."

Lan Zhan tries to speak past the knot now sitting in his throat but his words are broken and heavy.

"I can't. I won't."

There's a moment of silence before Xichen replies, "But you love him, didi."

Lan Zhan never spoke of his feelings for Wei Ying to anyone. He kept them safely locked away in his heart, a secret meant only for him to know. He cherished his memories of his time with Wei Ying and vowed to never let anyone take them away from him.

However, he never could hide anything from Xichen. Their bond was strong, even for brothers.

"Wangji, please, come with me. I booked a cabin with two beds. I packed your suitcase and put it in my office. You can take the subway and still make it here on time."

Lan Zhan picks up his phone and thumbs his way to his photos. The last picture he took was of Wei Ying sleeping in his bed, the adorable cruise director's hair a mass of soft waves spread out on the mattress. His eyes were closed and his face so peaceful that Lan Zhan didn't have the heart to disturb his rest.

Subconsciously, he traces the image of Wei Ying's lips with his pointer finger. The feel of them against his own as he gave the sleeping angel a final kiss still lingers even months after closing the door to his cabin and returning to his life here.

His mind drifts back to that morning, how he left without saying goodbye, believing that he was doing what was best for Wei Ying. He thought he was making it easier for the happy cruise director. He didn't want Wei Ying to feel bad about turning down Lan Zhan's offer to come to New York with him. He didn't want Wei Ying to feel uncomfortable when he confessed his love for him, to be forced to break it to Lan Zhan gently that he wanted to stay on the ship.

Now, however, Lan Zhan knows the way he left Wei Ying there, alone in his bed without a note or even a text, is because he was a coward. He couldn't face the rejection he knew would come. He didn't want to hear Wei Ying's 'I'm sorry' or see the tears in his eyes when Lan Zhan begged him to go with him. It would have been unbearable.

So, he just left.

"I hope you have a good time, gege." Lan Zhan says sadly. "Say hi to Nie Mingjue for me."

"Didi! You're acting like a child! Get your ass on..."

The digital click of the ended call is loud and harsh. But it's for the best.

Lan Zhan stands and walks over to the black leather sofa near the door of his office where he picks up his long gray wool coat. He makes his way down the hall, passing Lan Xichen's office. There, sitting in front of his brother's desk, is a small suitcase. He stares at it for what seems like an eternity before taking that next step towards the elevators.