It Can't Be Anyone But You

Changing the Hand of Time

****Trigger Warning: Mentions of blood and bodily harm****

Wei Ying looks at the position of the sun. He only has a few more brush strokes left on the talisman he's been working on for months. Caution was needed for this one. He couldn't just "wing it" and sloppily draw the marks like he always has in the past. No, this one's too important.

His silver eyes are rimmed with red. He's tired. For the past few weeks, he's stayed up until the early hours of the morning to practice his calligraphy. Every night he's had to force himself not to look at his sleeping husband or else be tempted to join him under the warm covers. No, he had to remain strong.

He's so close now. Tears gather along his thick lashes until he wipes them away. His hands are trembling with exhaustion. But it's not just that. Fear and excitement add to the uncontrollable tremors. Wei Ying closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before painting the final stroke. He can't mess it up. No, everyone's lives depend on it.

Dipping the fine bristles in the last of his drying ink, he adds the final mark, the brush dropping from his fingers as if it carried the weight of the world. Maybe it does. At least, that's what Wei Ying believes.

No matter how many times he's heard the words 'It's not your fault', he's always wondered...

What if?

What if things were different?

What if the Jiang's had never taken him in?

What if he had tried harder to not anger Madam Yu?

What if he hadn't saved Lan Zhan in the Cave of Xuanwu?

What if...?

What if...?

What if...?

There have been so many 'what if's' over his lifetime that he hasn't been able to choose the right one.

Until now.

Wei Ying rises slowly and walks over to his sleeping soulmate. Lan Zhan is so beautiful it takes his breath away. New tears gather in his eyes but he doesn't make any attempt to wipe them away. They fall like tiny satin ribbons down his pale cheeks, the only evidence of their existence chaotic dark circles on the pale blue comforter covering his love.

He gets on his knees next to the bed and kisses Lan Zhan's forehead. There's no ribbon to get in the way of his soft lips and he knows that he's the luckiest man in the world to have the honor of seeing the Second Jade like this. He holds his breath, too scared that if his husband feels his warmth Lan Zhan will reach out and drag him into bed.

Part of Wei Ying wants him to. He wants to feel Lan Zhan's arms around him. He wants to hear his beloved's heartbeat beneath his ear lulling him to sleep. Yet there's a more powerful need that pushes him back and forces him to turn away. Just as his foot is about to step through the doorway, Wei Ying looks back, his eyes taking in every detail of this moment.

The Jingshi is quiet and tranquil.

Where Wei Ying is going the world will be loud and cruel.

His husband sleeps peacefully and unaware.

Where Wei Ying is headed Lan Zhan will hate him and not spare him a glance.

But that isn't going to stop him.

With hope in his heart and a smile on his face, Wei Ying blows a kiss to his soulmate.

"I'll win you back, my love. I just hope you'll find it in your heart to love the man I should have been."