My Dirty Sinner

Chapter 92: Nightmares

☆Soul☆

Holy. Fuckin'. Shit!

That was the best sex of my life, and I know she loved every second I commanded her and bent her body to my will… But, she's fuckin' passed out, and the bruises blossomin' where I've gripped her too tight are makin' me crazy.

Stupid motherfucker! Fuckin' stupid is how I've just acted. What is wrong with me? The marks on her skin where I've drawn blood to the surface, along with the teeth marks are makin' me hard again, but disgusted that I've hurt her.

Gus and Celine are gonna fuckin' kill me when they see them, and they will, because I've fuckin' covered her. Shit!

I climb out of the bed and head for the bathroom to take a piss. I wash my hands and then run them through my hair in frustration.

"What the fuck am I gonna do?" I ask myself, and when I look up at my reflection, I see my bandages are turnin' red. "Fuckin' great!" I go back into the bedroom and shove my legs into my jeans. I'm gonna 'ave to go see Doc. She moans and she rolls over, bending her leg, and goosebumps crawl over her skin. I walk over and cover her with the sheet, then kiss her head before I check the time.

Shit! I've been fuckin'her for hours! No wonder she passed out. I walk out of the room and quietly shut the door be'ind me, and make my way through the silent bar, to Doc's room.

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

"Just a second," Doc calls out. He opens the door and takes one look at me. "Fuck… Come on in. What 'appened?" I walk in and sit at his table.

"I got shot," I tell him.

"And the rest of it?"

"Turns out my Tiny likes ta scratch 'n' bite." I grin, rememberin' every time she dug her nails in or bit me. It has me wan'in' to go back up and wake her. "But the stitches 'ave come loose with all the… devilry," I inform him.

"Ya back for long?" He asks, changin' the subject as he sits and takes the bandages off to assess the damage.

"Yeah, why?" I ask as he starts fixin' up the first wound.

"Coz she was becomin' depressed. She 'ide's it well though… I think only me 'n' Cel 'ave noticed." He grumbles as he pushes a needle into my skin, maybe a bit more forcefully than he needs to.

"What ya tryin' ta get at? If you 'ave somethin' ta say, then say it!" I bark at him.

"It was gettin' ta the point I was gonna kick your ass if ya di'n't see ta your woman's needs. Stop goin' after 'im 'n' let 'im come ta us! If you're 'ere, you 'ave a better chance of keepin' 'er safe, 'n' catchin' the bastard. I'm not sayin' 'use 'er as bate, but it's 'er 'e's after, so use that ta your advantage… Cel 'as tried tellin' ya that ya need to 'elp 'er work through 'er issues -"

"When I can't tell 'er shit, how do I solve that?" I snap.

"Don't gi' me that shit! It might work on Cel, but not me. When the fuck 'ave you ever gone by the rules? Tell 'er enough ta trust ya! Fuck, she's in love wi' you. You know that right? She's in love wi' ya 'n' doin' everythin' she can ta protect 'er heart for when you end thang's -"

"I told 'er I'd hunt 'er down if she tried ta leave me. I've told 'er I've never kissed a woman or taken one ta my bed! I've moved 'er inta my room for fuck sake! What more can I -"

"That tells 'er nothin'! She thinks ya wan' 'er for now, not the future. Do you love 'er?" He asks and I flounder. I don't know how to answer that. Do I love her? Yes. Of course, I fuckin' do. But am I ready to make the commitment of forever? No. She will be Mrs Kaden Evans one day, just not any day soon. I've never told anyone I love them. It's not somethin' I thought would ever 'appen for me, and as soon as those words leave my lips everyone will know my weakness.