My Dirty Sinner

Chapter 45: The Cabin

☆Kyara☆

I sit there for a while, fighting the urge to cry. I know it's stupid, but I'm so mad. I'm mad at Soul for having a girlfriend and being a player. I'm mad that he evokes these feelings in me, and I can't seem to control them. But mostly, I'm mad at myself.

Mad that I have feelings for him that every time he touches me, nothing else matters or exists in that moment but him. Until my brain unscrambles, reminding me that I shouldn't be doing that.

I decide to have a shower, hoping the hot water will wash away my anger and make the urge to cry go away. It's probably because I'm due on that I'm being a bit more emotional.

I get out of the shower,  get dressed, re-bandage my arms, and then I pack a small backpack. I throw in some girly things in case I come on while I'm with Zane. My periods are irregular. Stress and such contributing, and I've only had one period since being here, which was roughly twenty-five days ago. I could come on any day between now and the next eight days. I only remembered as my alarm went off during work, reminding me of the fact.

I towel dry my hair, then brush it out, then I grab my phone and sit on my bed. I unlock it and see I have a couple messages.

Zane: Has he left yet? I wanna get on the road. Looking forward to seeing you. Xx

Me: It shouldn't be too long. Just leave. X

I reply. Then read the next.

Katy-ann: Hey Babygirl. You OK? He's a total dick, but he's only  like this because he doesn't know how else to be. He doesn't know how to handle his feelings for you. I told him to get his head out of his ass before he lost the chance. When is Hacker picking you up? X

Me: I'll be fine. He always seems to be a dick around me, and I don't think it has anything to do with his feelings for me. I doubt they exist. It's just the blood rushing to his dick. He doesn't have a chance either, I'm not the kind of woman that gets between couples. He can fuck as many skanks as he wants behind her back. I won't be added to that list. I don't remember telling you he was picking me up. X

I still don't get her. She should know he's unattainable, and if he can cheat on Sarra without caring, who's to say he wouldn't do the same to me? Or that all he wants is to fuck me and be done with me. I'm not a whore, and won't be made to feel like one.

Mum: How are you, Sweetheart? How is everyone else? I sent you a care package yesterday, I'm not sure how long it will take to get to you, so I didn't put any food in. Miss you, call soon OK, love you. Xxx

Me: I'm good. How are you, and everyone? Everyone is good this end. I got the tattoo done. The one I was telling you about. Ryder liked it. Just need to get the mums and dads one done. I'm thinking of putting names or initials inside the capital of the first letters? So Rhonnie and Celine in the M, and Malky and Gus in the D. What do you think? I'll send you a picture of it soon. As for the care package, thanks. I can't wait for it to arrive. Miss you, love you. Xxx p.s. Maybe you and the boys could fly out here sometime soon and see me? One of the boys could go and grab my passport from the house? I don't know. I've been thinking that I need to get it so I can plan on when to come home. I love it here but I'm not sure I can stay much longer.

Writing that makes me want to cry all over again. I'd be able to tell her about Zane and Soul, and she would give me her advice and give me a hug. I love Celine. She gives great mum hugs, but I need my mum. You know.

Ryder: You kbie I love u. But I declxised it can't eait, sad told them they whent to go nwar u. He nose but Zsbe an u. Evwn Souk wsmts u. Dad saud nit ti trkl u. I'm sopru. Xxccx