My Dirty Sinner

Chapter 134: Four Days

☆Soul☆

I watch as Doc sets everythin' up, and keeps checkin' her over for any signs of wakin'. I find I'm unable to pull myself away from her.

He also shows me everythin' I'll need to do, like movin' her so she doesn't get bed sores. Ways to massage her arms and legs, and do exercises to keep her muscles workin' so she can walk easier when she wakes. There's also the strippin' her down, which I make sure no one else is in 'ere for, so I can give her a sponge bath. 

Then there was my little freak-out, that I coul'n't get the blood, smoke, and shit out of her hair. I don't know why it bothered me so much, but it did, so he gets a hair salon sink set up for me so I can wash her hair, and I feel better that she smells of me and not that shit any more. I make sure to be extra gentle when I'm goin' over any cuts and stuff, even though Doc tells me she can't feel it, my head is tellin' me I'm hurtin' her and I can't live with that, so I'm gentle anyway. 

That first night, I fall asleep holdin' her hand. When I'm woken in the mornin' I'm disappointed to find I fell asleep and I was hopin' she would 'ave a nightmare and wake up. I di'n't want her to experience anythin' unpleasant, and was bein' selfish, but I was hopin' a nightmare might wake her up. 

Then Celine comes to see her with Katy-ann. They ask 'ow I'm doin', I think, but I've become numb, that I don't hear them when they speak to me. I sit there starin' at her, one of her hands in mine, while my other hand draws patterns or rubs her belly. I do it all on autopilot, willin' her to wake up every second of the next couple of days. 

Doc also makes sure I'm listenin' to him when he's talkin' to me about her. He tells me I need to prepare myself for if she doesn't wake up. That she might be in this state for some time, and I need to be ready to raise two kids by myself if she doesn't wake up. It freaks me the fuck out that she could give birth and not know about it. Freaks me out even more that I'll 'ave to do it without her. It's not fuckin' fair! 

Then he tells me that with all the head trauma, if she wakes up I 'ave to be ready that she might not remember me. Like she can lose a huge chunk of her life, but there's no way... She's too angry to forget me and pregnant, her body will remind her of that as soon as she wakes up and she will know they're mine. She will. She 'as to. 

So by the fourth day, I'm goin' stir crazy that she 'asn't woken up yet. I know it's due to my lack of sleep, no energy because I'm not leavin' her side unless it's to piss or shit and the food Cel or Katy-ann bring me, I can barely eat, and the anger 'as been festerin' for too long, that Doc ends up gettin' shit when he walks into the room. 

"Enjoy ya lunch?" I snap. 

"Yeah, I did. Did ya enjoy yours?" He asks, which pisses me off even more. I need him to fuckin' argue back, punch me, somethin'! 

"Naw. My reason for livin' is layin' 'ere still, 'avin' ta eat through a fuckin' tube in 'er nose! It's made me lose my appetite. Will she wake up?"

"Soul. I told ya it's complicated, she -"

"Will she wake up, doc!? It's a simple fuckin' question!" I know he's told me, but he should be able to tell me 'ow long! He can see her head. He can see the damage and know 'ow long it will take to heal. 

"It's not that simple, Soul. She in'aled a significant amount a smoke 'n' fumes! The fuckin' head wounds, 'n' everythin' else... it's gonna take time! 'Er brain can't cope with it all, 'n' needs everythin' she's got ta focus on healin' 'er... 'ave you prepared yourself like I told ya -"

"Naw. 'Cause she won't forget me, 'n' she's gonna fuckin' wake up, 'n' raise these kids wi' me!"

"Soul, it's only been -"