My Dirty Sinner

Chapter 120: Positive

☆Kyara☆

It's been one long seven-week Rollercoaster. I've been attacked, shot at, almost run over, and I'm getting sick and tired of it. I picked up my Dad's present, which was a huge model Harley I'd put together and painted with the Sinners logo on the tank. I've made a stand for it too, except it's more like a picture frame, with a picture of him, my mum's, brothers, including Ryder, and Soul and I, from the day we went to the winery. He loves my family like they're his too, which they are as he's adopted me. So I thought it was perfect.

I still sometimes get the feeling Soul doesn't want me, or that I'm not good enough, but I've worked out that if I scream at my conscience to shut up, I can ignore it, and Soul always proves it wrong anyway. He loves me. He fucking loves me, and I don't know what I did to earn that from him, but I'm strangling the fuck out of it, to keep it.

Lately though, with everything that's been happening, he's been super busy. Busier than he's ever been since I've known him, so I've been keeping busy too. I'm now an excellent shot, some of the guys are jealous, and I'm getting better with my fighting, thanks to them all too. But when I got shot in the shoulder on the way back from Mum's, they were all pissed off that they didn't manage to block them all, and before any of them would let Doc see to them, they insisted I be sorted first. Even though Bullseye was bleeding out from a shot to the abdomen. Then Soul bursts through the door in a wild panic, and he checks me over and stitches me up, while Doc gets to the ones that really need it.

The times I do see Soul, I know he's getting more frustrated and pissed off with Prez and Dad. They pile more shit on his shoulders while he does what he can to keep me safe, and he doesn't get to be with me. So I try my hardest not to be upset that I barely see him at the moment. I don't want to add any more anger or frustration to him when I know he can't change things.

I've also noticed over the last three-four weeks that I'm crying over everything, eating weird food, I'm tired all the time and my boobs have been a little sore, and let's not forget the random times I'm sick, which I've managed to keep from him.

Thinking I was becoming depressed, I googled my symptoms which made a light bulb go off. I've just had so much on my plate! I forgot to speak to Doc about contraception, and it completely slipped my mind that I haven't had a period. I'm now terrified Soul will hate me, and feel like I trapped him.

So I spoke to Katy-ann, and she promised to keep my theory to herself, and we've planned to go to the store and pick up a pregnancy test. I mean I haven't had a period for like two months so I must be pregnant! But she said I should confirm it, as all the stress I've been under could cause my periods to fuck up and stop.

So on the day, we were sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast, which is a spicy mayo bacon sandwich for me, and some caramel-flavoured green icing on a cupcake, yum! I'm sitting there worrying about it all when he's summoned to church. So, I put my food away, not in the mood to eat anymore, because I feel a little sick to my stomach with nerves, and head out to knock on Katy-ann's door.

"Just grabbin' my purse." She says running back into her room, leaving the door ajar. Then she comes out and shuts it behind her. "Come on. Blaze is gonna take us with a few a the guys."

"How are we gonna get it with 'em watchin' over our shoulders?" I ask her.

"Lucky for us, they are right next ta the condoms 'n' lube. I told Blaze we're out so I was gonna pick some up as I wan' it in the -"

"Too much information!" I laugh, and she grins at me.

"Anyway, we 'ave the excuse we need ta be down that aisle. They will stand either end, not be'ind us so they won't see me pickin' it up."