Blackmailing The Untouched

Manifested Pain

"If I remember correctly, you said that you weren't going to bother me." He chuckles, flashing his prize-winning smile. The smile displays his perfect, pearly white teeth and the cute dimple on his chin.

"Yeah, and I remember you saying that you would only be an hour or so, tops." I shrug, playfully raising an eyebrow.

Toby's hazel eyes stop me before I can say another word. He's watching me differently now. Lips slightly parted. His breath coming out slower. His chest expanding beneath my hands that I have yet to move.

Slowly, I pull my bottom lip into my mouth and bite down nervously, taking another deep breath when we are standing just inches away from one another.

"Do you want to?" I whisper, staring deep into his handsome face.

Toby swallows before answering, "Yes." He says it with no hesitation and no regard for what could happen afterward. "I always want to kiss you." The confession is followed by a soft hand that cups my head.

"I think I've always known that." I blush.

After another slow swallow that tightens the bones in his cheeks, Toby pulls my lips to his, and when our lips finally meet, there is a physical spark I wasn't expecting, and it ignites.

It's only a stolen moment between us before my cell phone goes off in the pocket of my jacket, instantly breaking the kiss as I walk over to answer the call.

Toby touches his mouth where our kiss is still warm on his lips, watching with concern.

"No!" I shout at my father, my voice on the verge of breaking. "I can't see you like this!" He's now requesting that we go to my mother's grave, where I know he cannot last one minute. We've gone to visit her grave every year after her tragic accident and every year is the same—Dad becomes hopeless and frozen as soon as we cross the threshold of the dead and refuses to move, let alone speak for at least two hours. He just stands there, frozen from the weight of the reality that she is gone.

And there is nothing good or easy about hearing a grown man break down into a ball of heart-wrenching sobs, so when he lets out another pain-ridden cry, I quickly end the call, forcing my eyes closed to mentally calm myself down.

I can't do this. Not again. Not tonight.

"What's going on?" Toby stands and pulls me into a tight, warm hug that pushes the sadness in my heart to the side. If only for a little while. "Talk to me, pretty girl."

I can't speak, so in return, I nuzzle my head against the warmth of his neck, the heat of his body quickly calming the anxiety that threatens to take me over.

And when that little amount of skin contact is no longer enough, I quickly grab him by the face and kiss him again, until all the pain and all the guilt I've been feeling erupts into a hot, passionate embrace that quiets my mind. My hands pull at the hem of the white t-shirt he's wearing. My lips move against his harder, desperately seeking comfort from the pain surrounding me.

"Stop." Toby pulls away and places his hands on my cheeks, steadying my face so that he can see into my eyes. "Talk to me." He pleads, his breathing a slowing pant. He tries to get through to me but I refuse to listen.

"I don't want to talk. I want this." I shake myself from his hold, but only so I can resume pulling at his shirt, reaching underneath the thin cotton fabric to graze my fingernails against the hard muscles of his stomach.

A hard gasp escapes his parted mouth but he attempts to stop my actions once more.

"Hollie, you don't want this. " He objects, his voice just shy of a growl. His body must not want to stop me, even though his head knows that we should.

But, I still don't want to listen to him. I can't listen to him. I need the ache in my heart to go away. I need to drown out the voices in my head— so I bunch the bottom of his shirt in my fists.

Toby's conflicted when he angrily grabs my arms to force me against the wall, pinning my hands above me so that I can't reach out for him again. His breath is hot on my face as he slowly loosens his grip, his normal hazel eyes dark with hunger. "I told you to stop."

Looking at him, my heart hammers inside my chest, "You have my attention." I decide not to fight his assault anymore because I enjoy being caged in by him.

"I'm sorry, but you wouldn't stop, Hollie." He apologizes.

"Why are you hell-bent on stopping this?" I ask, doing my best to bat my pretty, long eyelashes. "Don't you want me?"

"Not like this, I don't." He shakes his head. And then he releases me.

"Okay," I whisper, taking a moment to switch up my approach, cautiously grabbing his hands. He allows me to place his hands just above my ass while I wrap my arms around his neck. "How about now?".

He takes the time to scan my face for a look of resentment or conflict but when he can only see fiery eyes that match the flames in his own, he lets his hands drift lower down my back until his palms are on the swell of my ass. He rests his hands on my there, but he goes no farther.

"It's okay. Touch me, Toby." I reassure him, a hot whisper in his ear that sends chills throughout my body.

Pausing for only the briefest of seconds, he fiercely grabs my ass and cups me hard in his hands, and I let out a soft moan. My hands move to the hem of his shirt once more, but this time, he pushes them away and slides it up his smooth stomach, and off over his head himself, tossing it to the floor. My nails waste no time exploring the dips and rolls of his abdomen, enticing another sharp gasp from him.

He pulls me to him, letting me know that he’s fully capable of making love to me, his hard erection stabbing me in the thigh as he pushes himself against me.

I know this isn't how I should have sex for the first time, but I need the pain in the bottom of my chest to go away. I need the distraction. I need to forget about what this day means and the empty feeling in my gut.

"Do you want to do this?" Toby asks, cupping my face, his hazel eyes peering into mine, "because' I'll take you to my bedroom if you want me to."

My heart pounds in my chest. I know this is a bad idea. I know that I'm only using him to escape the hell that is my life... but I can't stop myself. And honestly... I don't want to.

"Yes." I nod.

He takes my hand reluctantly, at first, and leads me down the small hallway toward his bedroom— and a sudden tranquility cascades over the top of me.

All the fear and hesitation I'd been feeling a moment ago has subsided. It's a strange calm, but I know what it means.

My mind knows what my body doesn't. I won't have sex with Toby simply because I'm sad and desperate to escape myself. I can't do this to him. He means more to me than this.

"Wait!" My feet slow.

When he turns to face me, his face is calm, and a knowing smile pulls at his lips.

"I can't do this after all." I apologize and look away. I'm too embarrassed. I shouldn't have let it get this far. I've made such a damn fool of myself.

"Hey," He says with a comforting hand on my shoulder, "It's okay."

Even though I hear him, I'm too ashamed of myself to listen.

No, it's not okay!

I need to get out of here.

"I'm sorry, Toby, I need to go." I stutter, rushing to get my jacket and boots back on, "I'm so sorry."

He calls for me somewhere in the background, but I can't pay attention. My focus is cemented on the front door, and when I leave the house, I begin walking down the road. And I don't look back once.