Blackmailing The Untouched

The Waiting Game

I'm laying stomach down on my bed listening to a hard rock song when my phone lights up with a text message. I pause the music player and see that Zach's unsaved number is lit up on the screen.

I feel betrayed by my own body when the beating of my heart becomes faster.

I lean over and pick the phone up from the end table near the bed, and I see:

Can we talk?

I type out multiple responses but delete every single one of them. I'm still too embarrassed because of the relationship between the two of us. I'm embarrassed because of the way Toby found out about the secret affair. I'm embarrassed by the look of disappointment in Toby's eyes when he looked at me after it all went down.

If I hadn't made that careless mistake with Zach, I would be telling him to come over. I could really use the distraction of being underneath him.

I decide to leave his text unanswered.

Two hours slowly creep by as I'm listening to a playlist on my iPod.

Right about now, Dad should be getting in his car to ride to the hospital.

I should be there with him. I told him that I understood his reasons for wanting to be alone, but I don't. I'm his only daughter, and we should hear whatever news the doctor has for him together.

What am I supposed to do while I wait to hear whether Dad is going to die? Twiddle my thumbs? Drive myself crazy?

I spot an almost full bottle of red wine on the counter in the kitchen.

Maybe after a glass or two, I'd be able to focus on anything besides waiting for my world to shatter. I just need to take the edge off. I just need to relax, and since relaxing with Zach is completely out of the question, I need something else.

No. I get into trouble when I drink.

Feeling frustrated, I throw my hands into my hair. I walk into Sally's room in search of a pair of leggings and a racerback. After lacing up a pair of Nike running shoes, I grab my phone from my bedroom, a cold bottle of water from the refrigerator, and then I head outside.

I stick the earbuds in my ears, and a hard, fast, heavy metal beat begins. The intense electric guitar riff sets the perfect mood to set off on a run. I quickly throw my long, brown hair up into a high ponytail on the top of my head. I make sure my phone is secured in the arm band, and then I'm off.

At first, my feet hit the pavement slowly, but once I feel the sting of the tears in my eyes, I push myself harder. My legs start to burn, protesting against the exercise. The burn starts at my muscles as I dig deeper, my breath comes faster.

I run down the street, passing tall beautiful houses and trees that have begun to lose their leaves from the cold temperatures of Fall. I keep my head forward, and my arms bent beside my chest. I feel the burn of the cold air in my lungs, but I don't stop.

I'm running to pass the time. I'm running to escape the hell that has become my life in just a matter of a few short weeks. I'm running from the feeling that I get when Zach is near. I'm running from the way I broke Toby's heart. I'm running to release the stress. I'm running to release the pain.

I finally come to a stop at the corner of the street where a short line of cars wait in limbo as the traffic passes by.

I grab the light pole and bring my foot up so that I can stretch the tender muscles in my leg. Two cars beep at me as they continue.

When the street is clear, I cross, and my feet pound the sidewalk again.

A mile down the next street, I'm able to regulate my breathing. I take a deep breath through my nose and then exhale out my mouth. After a few inhales, I notice that my throat doesn't burn as much. I stop to select a different song when a bubblegum pop song interrupts the vibe I've created. I scan through the hundreds of songs on the playlist before selecting another metal song that gets my blood pumping again.