Blackmailing The Untouched

In The Hot Seat

Sally is lounging on the sofa when I make my way out to the living room. When she sees me, she sits up and places the bowl of popcorn she had been eating on the coffee table.

"So, Toby, huh?" She wastes no time in grilling me on what she almost walked in on. Her light blue eyes are brighter with the hope of a juicy story she's hoping I'll tell.

"It's not what you think." I say while sitting down on the floor in front of the sofa. "It just sort of happened."

"Well, tell me exactly how it just happened." She urges with a slight push on my shoulder.

I really don't want to explain that the only reason Toby and I had sex was because after I heard the horrible news of Dad's cancer spreading to his kidneys, that I just lost all sense of right and wrong. I lost the ability to think about what I was doing. I lost my ability to feel anything. I can't tell her that sex with Toby was just a way to hide from the reality of Dad, leaving me to suffer through this all on my own.

"Dad called after leaving me in the dark all day." I start to explain as I pull my knees to my chest and rest my head on top. "Apparently, he has known that there was a huge possibility of his cancer spreading to other organs. Well, he was told today that that is exactly what has happened. His kidneys are going bad, and his right lung will need to be removed to slow the progress of the cancer."

Sally's eyes get bigger; her hand moves to her mouth to hide her reaction. I hear the inhale in her breath, and I can feel my heart begin to race.

"I'm so sorry." She whispers. Her voice is sympathetic, but she's not making me feel better. "I don't know what else to say -" Sally never fumbles over her words.

"Yeah, fun stuff." I say, trying to add sarcasm to the heavy moment between the two of us. I'm not willing to break down in front of someone else tonight. I've done my fair share of crying with an audience.

"That's why you and Toby -" She says, connecting the dots.

Feeling horribly guilty, I cut her off before she has the chance to finish, "Yeah. That's why Toby and I" My tone is soft, trying to hide the disgust that has started to take hold inside me.

"So, there's still no feelings there?" She goes on.

I don't even have to think about it, "No, there's still no feelings." I state. I must sound so heartless by the way I'm talking about him. "Honestly, I think it could have happened with anyone."

"Even Zach?" She questions. Her beady eyes scan my face; I know what she wants me to say.

I don't waiver from her gaze when I respond with, "Even Zach."

She opens her mouth to say something more, but after thinking, the better of it lets her voice tail off.

"I told you, I was in a bad state - I still am." I try to explain to her better after feeling the room getting colder after I admitted that Zach could have taken Toby's place in my bed.

Zach has already been in my bed.

"Which is understandable with the amount of shit you've been dealt." She says with a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

"True, but I need to be able to handle all this without resorting to burying my pain in guys, especially my best friend. Toby doesn't deserve that. He's too good to me for me to use him like that." I say, picking at the loose threads on my shirt.

"He didn't seem to mind being used." She smiles with a wink face.

"Then why did he leave so fast?" I ask.

"Maybe he didn't want to have that awkward talk? I know I wouldn't want to discuss having sex with my best guy, Friend-Well, if I had one." She brings up a viable reason for Toby's coldness. "He probably thinks this is how you want it. He's not stupid, Hollie."