Blackmailing The Untouched

Words No One Wants To Hear

Just then, Dad enters the Livingroom. He waivers unstably but then rests on the back of the sofa.

He appears to be in better health today. Instead of the same old grey sweatpants he usually wears around the house, he is wearing a dark pair of brown chinos and an old band tee shirt.

"Stop giving Sheila so much hassle." He requests with a chuckle.

"Who hired her?" I request as I make my way over to him.

"I did!" He huffs and then pushes off from the sofa and begins around it. "I'm not dead yet." I follow behind him, jumping to catch him after he trips over the leg of the end table.

"Will you get off!" He yells and shoos me away, which throws him into a horrible coughing fit.

"I'm just trying to -" I state while ignoring his wishes, and I grab his arm for stability.

He finally reaches the front of the sofa and falls upon the cushion. "Help, I know." He rolls his eyes. "It's too much. That's why I kicked Toby out. You people hover so damn much. I can't take it." He's lecturing me, but with the breaks he takes to catch his breath, his tone isn't as strong as I'm used to." I just want to be left alone."

"Why did you hire a Home Nurse?" I ask him again.

He rests his heavy head against the back of the sofa and places a fragile hand on my knee. "I know that you were planning to move out before you found out about my cancer." His eyes are filled with despair. "I don't want you to give anything else up for me. I've made you sacrifice way too much of your life for me. I'll never forgive myself for that." His voice gets caught in his throat, and I can't stand to hear the guilt that plagues him.

"Dad, don't." I place my hand over his. His skin feels cold and rough. "I made my own choices. None of it is your fault." I can feel unshed tears sting my eyes. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"You didn't get to go to college with your class. You only had the job last summer, only because I picked up shifts at the station. I clung to you. I couldn't bear to be alone. My grief over losing your mother took your life away, and I'm sorrier than I can ever say."

I don't understand why he's so hell-bent on reliving all his mistakes and apologizing for it all. Why, out of all the days, does he feel the need to make amends now?

"Why are you saying all of this? Why rehash it all?" I'm more than nervous when I ask him.

He pauses and then looks down at his feet. "I called the hospital back."

I sense that it's about to get bad by the fear in his tone.

I don't think I can take what he's about to tell me.

My stomach begins to churn.

"I have to go in for more tests. They think the cancer has spread to my kidneys." He doesn't look me in the face. I know there's more, "and if it has, I have less than six months to live."

There it is.

I feel the foundation I'm standing on begin to crack.

I feel the sun fade away, and the sky gets dark, too dark.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" I jump up and all the tears that I've been holding in break free. My arms are flailing, and my heart is unstable inside my chest.

"I'm not going to take up anymore of your time." He says with a hoarse voice.

"Dad!" I exclaim, "You don't get to decide that."

"You're not making any more sacrifices for me. I refuse to be a burden any longer." He explains, and it shatters me even more that he could even think that of me. I feel sick that he believes he has ruined my life.