Blackmailing The Untouched

Shot Down

I feel him stiffen as he rips away from me and takes a seat on the sofa, hands flying through his hair.

I turn around, dumbfounded.

"Are you going to say anything?" He asks, looking up at me with vulnerability inside his eyes and a heavy sigh. "I've just laid it all out there for you."

I watch him closely. He looks so damn perfect with his sexy tousled blond hair, looking up at me like he can't breathe without knowing that I feel the same. His face is somber, his perfect lips parted. His hands are resting in his lap, feet relaxed on the floor.

"What do you want me to say?" I ask with a nervous nibble of my lower lip.

"Do you believe me?" He requests. "Do you believe that I haven't slept with anyone else?"

I take a deep breath before taking a daring step towards the sofa. "Honestly, I don't know." I get nervous, scared that I'll expose myself too much to him.

"You can't feel that I'm telling you the truth?" He asks and his tone sounds small like he's disappointed. "You can't feel it?"

"No." I shake my head.

"I can feel what you feel." He says next, his eyes seriously intense. "I can feel how you feel about me. I know that I'm more than just sex to you. I know I am."

I don't say anything which makes him continue, "Hollie I've seen the look in those big, brown eyes. You feel exactly what I feel for you. Your head, your heart, and your body are mine." He sounds so sure of himself. The confidence in his voice is scary. Even if I were to object I know he wouldn't believe me. "I'm more than just sex to you that's why you've been running from this."

"I can't." I breathe helplessly. I'm trying to be strong, but he's absolutely right. I belong to him. My head, my heart- Everything I have to offer is his.

When did the change happen? Because the person sitting on my couch is not the same person who threatened me on my porch almost two months ago. I've seen the changes in him. I've seen the heart he has tried so hard to hide from the world. I've seen his fears. I've seen his laughter. I've seen him come undone, and I've seen him fight.

"If you're not ready for this, I'll give you some time." He says with warm eyes and a sweet smile.

I force my eyes shut so that I can think. It's a lot to take in. Too much, right now. It's all happening too fast, too soon...But, the thought of him saying these words to anyone else guts me. The thought of him wanting anyone else sends a jealous flame to rip through me so fast that it makes me a little dizzy. The image of him pushing inside another woman tears me apart from the inside.

But, I'm not ready for everything that comes with a monogamous relationship. I'm not ready to settle down with anyone. I'd only just gotten my own life, and I must start living it for me. A relationship is not what I want right now.

"I'm...I'm not ready," I say softly while pushing some fallen hair behind my ear.

He frowns with a heavy sigh, "I guess I knew it was going to end like this." He adds as he pushes back on the couch to get up. "It's okay, Hollie. It's a lot, I know."

"I'm sorry." I shake my head sadly, "But..."

"You still want to have sex" He says with a clipped tone. "You don't want a relationship, but you still want me? Is that it?"

His questions make me feel dirty. I do want him. I can't deny that.

"I need some time to clear my head. I've never been shot down like this." His face is tight as he stretches his arms behind his head.

"I'm not shooting you down, Zach," I assure him. "This is all just too fast for me. I went from hating you to- "

"To what?" He demands with hopeful eyes, his interest piqued like a curious wolf.

"I just meant that I hated you not too long ago." I quickly patch the hole I'd almost fallen into.

"You might have hated me, but that didn't stop you from wanting me." He swallows.

"I never denied that," I respond with a shake of my head. "But, a relationship right now is not what I want."

His ocean eyes scan mine for any sign that I can be persuaded, and when he realizes that I won't be, I watch as sorrow floods his beautiful features. I've never seen him look so defeated and the pain in his eyes makes an ache develop in the pit of my stomach. I hate what I've done to him.

"Alright then, I guess I'll just leave you to your unpacking." He nods and then turns to walk away.

I watch every step he takes, and when his hand is on the door, my voice is un-even and broken when I say, "You said you'd give me some time, but you don't have to wait for me to be ready."

I know I've pretty much just told him to move on, and after the words leave my mouth, a wave of sickness hits me.

He stops for a beat like he doesn't believe what he's heard-or doesn't want to believe it-before exiting the Apartment without another word.