Blackmailing The Untouched

Going Through The Motions

My thoughts are interrupted when there's a faint knock at the door. I hear footsteps on the other side of the wood. "Hol, are you okay in there?" Sally's voice is low and concerned. She sounds nervous.

I close my eyes for a beat, "I'm okay." My voice is small and barely audible. "What's up?"

"Just checking." She responds with a heaviness in her tone.

"I think I'm just going to go to bed." I say. The shadows on the wall tell me that it's only dusk outside.

She doesn't protest. Instead, she says, "Okay. I'm here if you need to talk. If not, I'll see you in the morning."

I don't say anything else. I just get up to draw the curtain closed and then pull the cover over my head and force my eyes shut.

It's completely dark in the room when I wake up next. I don't know what time it is, but I sit up slowly. I look ahead and blink a few times, but I can see nothing but black. When I swing my legs around to get up, I'm cautious. I exit the room and try to be as quiet as possible because Sally's bedroom door is open, and I hear her snoring soundly. I make it to the bathroom slowly and turn the bathtub faucet on. Once the water feels hot enough to the touch, I wait for it to come out of the shower head, and then I get undressed.

The water washes over me, and the weight of my emotions forces me to break down into a deep cry. I allow the tears to fall as the water washes them away as soon as they form. My heart beats fast against my ribcage, and my chest constricts, causing me to choke. I don't know how long I stand underneath the stream of the water crying, but eventually, it stops. My deep cries slowly fade and fall into sobs that make me hiccup. After, I clean my body and my hair, and then I'm out of there. The room is filled with hot steam as I dress.

It's easy to fall back asleep once I lay my head back down on the pillow. I feel tired after crying so much, and my eyes slowly fall closed.

The next few days pass slowly. I'm in a daze, going about the actions of living, but I don't really feel anything. The only thing I feel is numbness. Sally goes to work but not without offering to stay home with me. I tell her to go to work, that I need to get through this stump in the road alone.

Surprisingly, I heard and saw nothing in the morning. The conversation was supposed to take place. Dad never calls the apartment. He doesn't call Sally, and nobody shows up at the door. By night, I'm a little bit sad that he hasn't made an attempt to contact me. Maybe it's for the best.

The second day is no better. I spend the majority of the day laying in front of the t.v flipping mindlessly through the channels, looking for some movie or some show that can take my mind off from my life and the problems that surround me. I don't get lucky. For dinner, I microwave a dinner from the freezer but find it very difficult to eat anything more than a few bites. After moving the peas all around in the dish for about ten minutes, I toss the remnants in the garbage. Above the garbage on top of the fridge, I spot a bottle of red wine. I have five glasses before I pass out in front of the t.v.

By the third day, Sally had had enough of my sulking. When she gets up before work, she clears the wine bottle and my empty wine glass from the coffee table and wakes me up. The look planted on her ivory face is of concern but irritation.

I can't look her in the eyes when I sit up, I'm too embarrassed, and I feel awful. "Sorry about the wine, I'll replace it."

She shakes her head and plants her hands on her hips. She's wearing a medium length black shirt with a white button-up lace shirt. Her hair is in a tight bun at the base of her beautiful red hair. "I'm having a party tonight, and I don't think you should be here." She says with knitted eyebrows.