Embers ( Daryl Dixon x OC )

Chapter 9

I woke up later than I usually do, but I suppose it's due to the late night panic attack that had consumed me last night. I looked over an saw Daryl cleaning his bow. As I glance over at him he notices I'm awake an says.

"Rick wants to hit the road soon, stay moving."

I nod an he goes back to cleaning his bow.

I'm appreciative that Daryl helped out but I can't help but wonder why he did it. He doesn't seem like the type. He's quiet, an quite the stand off person from what I've gathered from the others, but ever since I met him that day on the road he's been anything but that.

He's helped me even if I didn't realize it in its entirety given the circumstances, and he didn't have to.

Why me ?

I feel as if I've been asking myself that question a lot recently. It's like I can't catch a break, even before the world ended. Granted times were better, but it still felt as if it was just one thing after another.

An now after that day on the road it feels like everything has changed, I can't tell you if it's for better or worse, in fact I probably won't understand it myself for a while. All I know as of right now is that I'm trying to focus on the present, letting myself feel, and be more of a half glass full kinda gal.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not complaining. Trust me I've seen what the 'New World' can throw at you, Terminus was on the lower part of the scale of the people I've come across in the year that I was by myself.

Something I'll probably never tell anyone is that I've killed groups before. When Rick asked me how many people I've killed I told him 35 but in reality it's in the hundreds, after my husband and son died I went on a rampage of anger, killing everything in my path.

I needed vengeance, I needed to distract myself from the reality of what I was going through. What's sad is that they never stood a chance, all they saw was a vulnerable woman alone in the woods, they never stopped to think that someone like myself would kill them where they stood and I did without a second thought.

I regret it and it scares me the things I've done, but I wouldn't change it. Everyone I killed was bad, at the time I didn't think they deserved a second chance because they hurt those who didn't deserve it, who couldn't defend themselves.

So why me?

Why help me?

Can't he tell I'm a monster?

I don't deserve to be helped everyone I've killed, no matter what wrong they did, still it doesn't justify my right to kill them. I still did it in cold blood, and I felt nothing.

—

As we are getting ready to leave Daryl comes over to me and taps me on my arm. I look over at him an raise my brow.

"Come 'ere."
He gestured walking deeper into the woods.
I grab my pack an my bow following him without a second thought.

As we get deeper into the woods he starts telling me about how a little after I fell asleep he heard movement in the woods, he didn't see anything but he felt as if someone was there watching us. So he decided today he would check it out an see if he could track anything. 

After a while of nothing aside from squirrels, we decided to head back into the direction that the group would be walking in.

As we were approaching the group my pack snagged on a branch causing me to stumble a bit, which resulted in making a lot of noise. I caught myself, but just as I did everyone in the group turned around weapons raised an pointed directly at us.