𝖉𝖆𝖞𝖑𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙~𝖕𝖊𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖐𝖊𝖗 𝖝 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗

𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒

𝖎𝖙 𝖜𝖆𝖘𝖓'𝖙 𝖆𝖇𝖓𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖆𝖑 𝖙𝖔 𝖌𝖊𝖙 𝖈𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖘 𝖎𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖑𝖞 𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖘 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖒𝖔𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌. what used to be sleepovers on my sofa turned into late-night phone calls when bucky decided it was time he got his own place. bucky trusted me more than his government-mandated therapist who he often drug me to see with him against my will. he said he would rather talk to someone about his nightmares that wasn't going to hand his words over to the government. hence why instead of telling her, he would call when his nightmares would wake him and if it was bad enough i would teleport over to his apartment in brooklyn to make sure he was alright through the night. it would usually be the worst after a name was crossed out of his book. he had been making amends with his past and ending all ties to the winter soldier. that wasn't who he was anymore and he made sure everyone in that book of names knew that fact.

if he needed me i would help him track the people down that were written on the pages just to save him the hassle. i didn't mind doing that, i did mind being forced to sit with him through the therapy sessions. not that i didn't like being there for support or whatever i just told him that this should be a private thing. he would argue that it didn't matter since i already knew more than her which i couldn't really argue with so here i am. he would give the woman short responses or try to turn things on me which hardly ever worked and annoyed the hell out of me. it was already obvious to anyone who knew remotely anything about buck's past that he had ptsd. hence the nightmares and the need for him to be in the best mindset he could be in. even with his mental trials from wakanda being on his side and proving he was not the winter soldier anymore the government was still wary of him.

in one attempt of switching topics and going way off the rails of the conversation they were supposed to be having, i'm going the stress the word they again by the way. much to bucky's delight the therapist dove into my own mind. i don't know if it was to prove something to bucky or what but she was convinced i had it too. ptsd that is, obviously not as severe as bucky's as that was a whole can of trauma on its own but she assumed that my own pent-up trauma had landed me with it as well. i didn't want to believe her so from there on out i kept my mouth shut when she suggested i come see her for my own sessions.

every time we met she had to remind us of bucky's rules when it came to marking a name from his list. she knew i was with him a lot when he carried out his amends missions which she found out very quickly when i gave her very detailed rundowns of many of them. number one was he can't do anything illegal. number two is no one gets hurt. and number three is confirming that he is no longer the winter soldier and that they are a part of his efforts to make amends blah blah blah. rule number three always stayed intact the other two were hazy at times. i mean come on doing illegal stuff is so much more fun.

i'm convinced that the notebook that she taunted him with was his worst enemy though. if he gives too many short answers, notebook. if he doesn't talk enough, notebook. if he lies, notebook. it's kind of entertaining at times i have to admit.