greys anatomy women oneshots (gxg)

Alive (Amelia)

TW: self h@rm and su!cide attempts
DONT IGNORE THÉ WARNINGS

I just had an 18 hour surgery that resulted in the child, a 4 year old girl, dying. She coded on the table. 'Y/n, you alright?' Amelia asks me. She puts her hands on my shoulders. We've been dating for a year now. 'Yeah. I'm going to inform the parents now.' The girl had been brought in during an MVC with major head lacerations and a shattered spinal cord. I kiss her cheek and head to the waiting room.

'Despite our best efforts to save her, your daughter passed away in surgery.' I explain to the parents. They have tears streaming down their faces and the dad looks up. 'You could have saved her. We were told it was an easy fix!' He exclaims. 'Sir, I am so sorry for your loss.' I say calmly. His fist charges into my face and I fall to the ground. 'Get her out of here! Now!' He bellows. I stand with my hands above my head and I walk away.

TW!!! He's right. I could have saved her. I think. I'm hiding in a supply cupboard and looking for a suture kit. I'm able to find a scalpel almost immediately. They should have chosen someone else on her case. I'm useless. I cut into the skin deep. I shouldn't have been there. Amelia could have done it herself. I don't deserve her. I keep hacking at my wrists and finally stop when the blood reaches my elbow. Shit. I feel dizzy and realise this was bad idea. Bloods dripping into a pool on the floor and I can't find any plasters. I try to stitch my arm, but it causes more blood to fall and I nearly faint. What do I do? I cant put Amelia through this again. She already helped me through my last attempt. I'm pacing the tiny room with blood all the way down my arms. 'Y/n?' Theres a knock on the door. 'I saw you come in here. Are you alright?' It's Amelia. 'Am- Amelia...' I manage. 'Y/n? Are you okay? The doors locked, honey. I cant open it.' She says, trying to move the handle. 'Amy...' My vision begins to blur and my breath is short. 'Y/n, unlock the door. Can you do that? Please can you do that for me?' I'm just about able to unlock it when I fall to the ground in a puddle of blood. TW!!!

————————————————————————

I feel something fall on me before I open my eyes. It's a teardrop. 'Y/n?' I hear a voice call. It sounds far away at first, but it's Amelia next to me. 'I cant feel anything.' I'm numb all over, but my throat is raspy and dry so I can't speak. 'Oh, Y/n. I thought we had lost you. I thought I was too late. I'm so sorry. I heard from someone that some guy punched you and I saw you go in there and-' I put my hand on hers to stop her. I look up at her and see her face crumble. I just look at her apologetically. 'No.' Amelia says, practically reading my mind. 'No. This is not your fault. I will be next to you no matter what, okay? I care about you, Y/n. I'm not leaving you alone.' She kisses my head. 'Dr. L/n. Good to see you awake.'

Chief Bailey comes in. 'In case you haven't had a chance to be informed, you're in the psych ward. You'll have an evaluation done in the morning, but for now get some rest. Good night.' I wince when my arm begins to ache again. 'Do you need anything?' Amelia asks. I put my hand on my throat, trying to signal that I'm thirsty. 'Of course.' She kisses me and leaves me alone with my thoughts.

TW!!! You better just do it now, while she's gone. She shouldn't have to go through this. I look around and see the drawers next to me. I'm able to reach it and pull it closer. I lift my head up and bring it back down on the edge of the drawers. It hurts, but I keep going. I can feel something, at least. There's a loud beeping and shouting outside the room. I go faster, hoping to die before anyone can reach me. Eventually I pass out with my head still on the drawers. TW!!!

————————————————————————

Theres a ringing in my ears when I wake up. A loud, high pitched ringing. And theres someone beside me crying. 'Amy?' I whisper. 'Amelia Im so sorry. I dont know why I did it.' I look over to her. She cant look up. 'Amelia, its okay. Im alive, and Im willing to do whatever to get through this. I'm sorry.' I promise her. 'It's my fault. I shouldn't have left you alone.' She says between sobs. I see the bottle of coke on the table at the other side of the room. 'No, I would have done it either way. Never say it's your fault. I wouldn't have survived without knowing you would be here. Amelia, I love you. I have always loved you and without you I would have died a while ago. Thank you, for always being here for me.' I pull her in for a hug. 'I thought you- you were dead. You were asleep for 46 hours.' She whispers. 'I know. I'm sorry for scaring you.' She climbs into the bed with me and puts her arm around me. 'I'm always here. I'll always be here for you, no matter what. You know that, right?' I nod.

The next day I get evaluated and diagnosed with depression. Amelia was there when I was told, and she asked questions to the psychiatrists. When they gave me pain meds for my head, Amelia helped me take the pills. She slept by my side for the 3 days I was in hospital, and when I was discharged she took a week off to help take care of me. I'm alive today because of her.