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I love you (Arizona)

The first time I kissed Arizona Robbins was in a bar. She was my attending and she bought me a drink. I kissed her.

The second time I kissed Arizona Robbins was in the elevator. I didn't think it through, but she was grinning so widely. I kissed her.

That second time was the time we agreed that this could continue, but no strings attached. If either of us dated someone else it would stop, just like that.

But soon she ended up gaining feelings, and she asked me out. 'No thank you.' I remember joking. I knew it was going to happen at some point, so I decided to reject her first, and see if she had been stringing me along or was serious. 'I'm sorry?' I got the feeling nobody had rejected her before, at least nobody she had been sleeping with. The look on her face was something so hilarious, and yet at the same time so sad. She looked like she was hiding disappointment. 'I'm kidding! Arizona, I would love to go out with you. But we can't tell anyone, at least not until we know it's serious. Okay?' A grin stretched across her face and her eyes were so bright. 'Okay.'

George found out. He was in my intern group, and my best friend. We moved out of Meredith's house and bought a crappy apartment closer to the hospital. One night I was sneaking Arizona out and he was in the kitchen. Reading through a paper with a glass of water. I had my hands on Arizonas back, practically pushing her out the door when I saw him. He stood up almost immediately and saluted as if she was a troop. 'At ease, soldier.' She laughed, so laid back. He gave a nervous smile that would have looked normal to anyone else, but the shock was in his eyes. All of his emotions began in his eyes.

When Arizona had left, I sat down next to him. 'So you and Dr. Robbins...?' He trailed off in a question. 'Yeah. But George, you can't tell anyone. Nobody else knows. Okay?' He looked proud of himself to be the first to know. 'Alright.'

I had been called down for a trauma with Dr. Hunt. We didn't know how bad it would be, so practically every resident was there. Everyone except George. He was in surgery with Bailey. His last surgery before he joined the Army as a trauma surgeon. Meredith rushed to stand beside me. 'George is joining the army.' I said. She turned around in surprise, probably pretending she didn't hear me right. 'What?' Just then the ambulance pulls up and it's doors swing wide open. 'John Doe, age unknown. Tenderness in the abdomen, possible head injury. Broken leg, shattered femur...' She continues but I stop listening. The patients eyes open in pain and shock. The same shock that was in George's eyes when he saw Arizona. I know who it is, but I'm too scared to say it. If I do, it's all the more real. I want t to stay just in my mind, quietly in the background as a bad dream.

But I know I have to, because if I don't it will hurt him even more. 'This isn't a John Doe. This is George O'Malley.' I choke out. 'That's impossible, he's in the OR with Bailey.' Hunt waves me away, but Webber says something that proves my fears right.

'I sent him home after he put his resignation in.'

Nobody lets me on the case. 'You're too close to him.' Shepherd says. Nobody gives me any updates. I'm asked to call his mother, which I do. I don't give her any details, other than she needs to be here. When everyone leaves me alone, I end up pacing the waiting room with his injured face staining my thoughts a bloody red.

'Y/n.' I turn towards the soothing voice and see Arizona. 'Oh, hi.' I say. Im still pacing at this point, until she stops me, putting her hands on my shoulders and sitting me down. 'Are you okay?' She asks. 'Yeah.' She stays silent for a moment. 'No.' A tear falls down my face, and I wipe it away quickly 'Sorry.'

'Don't apologise. Come here.' She wraps her arms around me. To anyone else, it would look like she's just consoling someone who's upset. But we both know that it's more, because she wants to protect me from the pain. To take it away and hold on to it for me.

In the next 7 hours, Arizonas gone, Louise has arrived and been told about George, and we've  been given updates from Meredith. She's said that he's doing alright, but we won't know for sure until the surgery's over. I've nearly fallen asleep twice, but stopped myself, never wanting to leave Louise alone in the dark of the waiting room.

Eventually Owen comes out of the surgery. Louise stands up, and I almost forget the severity of George's injuries. 'Is he okay? Can I see him?' She asks eagerly, gripping her bag tightly. I almost feel excited, nearly relieved.

Then I see Owens face. I really see it. The grief, guilt, and everything in between. The sadness hits me quickly and painfully. 'I am so sorry, Louise. Despite our best efforts...' Owen begins, but I don't listen to the rest. I turn away from him, half-angry, half-sad. I know he did everything he could, as a doctor I know he did. But it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to keep the pain away. Louise suddenly wraps her arms around me, and I return the favour to avoid seeing her face. I can barely take in what's happening, but soon enough I'm being led to where George is lying. He's so still it hurts. Louise can't bare to look, and she leaves the room. I stay. 'George, go. Go if you know you absolutely have to, just go knowing that people loved you, and people will miss you. I loved you, and I will miss you. This isn't goodbye forever, George, but it's goodbye for now.' I turn away from him, almost expecting a reply. But there isn't one, so I leave.

A few hours later I'm sitting on my own in the waiting room, contemplating where to go. Louise went home, but I shared an apartment with George, so I can't. I can't stay at the hospital either, because I'm not on call. I look up and see Arizona standing in front of me. 'George is dead.' I say. She nods and wraps her arms around me.

Suddenly Webber comes around the corner and sees Arizona cradling me. I'm about to sit up, but she holds me tighter. 'So you and Dr. L/n...?' He trails off. 'Yeah. I'll sign whatever you want, but please don't make me give her up. She needs me, and in a way I need her.' She looks down and pushes my hair away from my eyes. 'We'll talk about it later.' And he walks away. I sit up and look at Arizona. 'Come with me, you can stay at my place.' Ive never stayed at her apartment. 'Are you sure?' She nods. 'Of course. I'll make dinner and give you spare pajamas. Don't worry.' I stand up and take her hand. She looks down and our fingers intertwined and squeezes. I squeeze back. 'I love you.' I whisper. It's so quiet I think she didn't hear me, but she whispers back 'I love you too.'