Harboring Feelings >> Becstin

31

The days seem to fly by in training. Getting my body conditioned for the 'war', as Michael calls it, seemed to be easy. I pushed myself everyday and everyday I got stronger. But, at night it was a different situation. My memories would come back and I would see and feel the flashes of anger, and hurt. I understood why I was so heartless and cold, but throughout my memories Austin was always there. He was always there when I was hurt, inside and out. He was my rock. The only thing that held me steady in the roaring waters of my crazy life. That was until...well, until he hurt me.

'Becky!'

'You're sick!'

'Becky! Wait!'

'I hate you. I HATE YOU!'

'Baby, I'm sorry!'

'I'm not your baby anymore, Austin!'

'I didn't mean to hurt you. Please, I'm so sorry!'

'I don't want your apology! I want you to leave me alone!'

'I can't. I'm sorry, but I can't do that.'

I shake away the terrible memory and stare ahead at Austin who is clicking away on his computer.

"Austin?" I ask him.

"Yeah, baby?" He looks at me; my heart is stabbed by his words. Reminding me of my horrible memory.

"Please, don't call me that." I say. He sighs sadly.

"Yeah, okay. What is it?" He asks me.

"What are we?" I ask him.

"I thought, well, aren't we together?" He asks insecurely.

"Did I take you back?" I ask him. He gulps in nervousness, "Please don't lie." I add.

"No. No you didn't." He says.

"Can we be friends?" I ask him. He frowns at me.

"I thought when y-"

"It's a yes or no question." I cut him off harshly.

"But why?" He asks.

"I remembered what you did." I tell him honestly.

"I'm so sorry, B. I-"

"I know you are. But, it still hurts." I say.