Hate Me Until You Can't [PSLU #4] [GL]

HM38

Sylvia's POV

I was too helpless, I can't do anything about her situation right now knowing that my entire body was shaking from fear, fear that I might hurt her more, fear that I might make a mistake especially that she's trying to live between the lines. And I know that I shouldn't blame her for the decision that she made, because I understand that it wasn't easy for her to came up with this.

She only wanted to be seen.

She only wanted for someone to hear her voice.

She only wanted to understand her.

She only wanted to be loved.

"Elise." I uttered her name weakly, my voice sounded too hoarse from crying so much. Begging to God that he would let her live again.

Because this time, I will do it right. I might have failed to noticed her more in some manner- Wrong, I did but I never ask her, I never tried to push myself in. I was too busy waiting for her to open up - not knowingly that she was also waiting for me to get her noticed.

"Lord, please give her another strength. I can't lose her. I can't lose my dream." I begged to the heaven. I may look like a fool right now trying to convince an air, but for her I didn't care about my image at all.

My heart even almost jump out, when we all heard her flat line. Everyone was devastated everyone felt the deja vu. It was the exact same moment when we almost Krystal that time, and I almost blame the angels for putting all of us in too much suffering. We all just wanted to live happily in the first place, but is this the price for wishing that? Was it that too much to ask for?

Slowly, I felt the blood inside my body was draining out. My mind just went completely blank as I only stared at the floor. I knew that Portia was trying to talk to me, but she went silent after seeing how puzzled I am. Everything was just becoming more complicated, and today was the perfect evidence for that. 

I just can't believe how it was happening too fast, 'cause few seconds ago I was just trying to warm up my body for the swimming competition - hoping to get another gold medal. And now here am I, praying to the Lord and the heaven to give her back to me.

"I can do everything to make up for this, ibalik mo lang ulit siya sakin." I whispered against myself. Portia was glancing on my side with heart-rending stare, and that's when I knew she was broken too.

Everyone was.

And when her doctor opened the door, everyone stood up except for me - looking so full of hopeful and optimistic . I was only waiting, because I can't seem to grasp the moment for my entire soul to hear it. I wasn't ready, I was never. Because for her, I only wanted to give everything that she deserve, and I don't want to hear another sorry.

And I don't want to become remorseful with just a one word or even feel a wrath.

"She's doing fine now, but we may have to give her another pack of blood since she lost a lot and we will continue to monitor her vitals. We will also be recommending another doctor to check her mental state, however if she already have one can we have the contact number or maybe an email?" 

"I'll be the one to fill out the forms doc." Miss Veronica hurriedly says. I can sense that her heart is pounding too fast, like a rigid. "I know her doctor's contact number as well as the location and name." She continued after grasping for more air, she then quickly took a glance on my side and Portia, but I was just absent mindlessly doing the same.

"G-Go on doc, I'll stay here nalang." I responded, after understand that she's trying to communicate with me through eyes.

After they were gone, saka lang ako nakahinga ng maayos. I was almost clenching my chest because I can't seem to breathe properly. Lydia noticed it, kaya dali dali siyang lumapit sakin at tumabi sa kabila at hinawakan ako sa kamay. My palm was getting too cold, and hers was too warm, I suddenly felt at ease knowing that they are still here for me.