My Big fat friendzone

chapter 35

chapter 35! soo much dramas !! change in plans, heaps heaps heaps more to come, i just keep getting better and better at this stuff. i write when im stressed out. sometimes its what i feel and think about this life.

chapter 35

jai slowly looked down onto the floor, my teardrops trailed, he lifted his head up and stared at my now shivering  hands, he saw the paper in my hands, the tremble in my hands, he attempted to come near my , I stood up. 

I baked away, i felt abandoned, like i was just a wounded bird that was terrified of being comforted, i felt like that.

Jai tried to speak, but he stuttered. "Mi-i-kayla , please let me explain"

My tears were even more than before, my breathing was so hard, and my heart was thumping against my chest. 

"How could you"

"How dare you"

My crying became unbearable, I couldn’t control it, i was about to stop breathing

Jai tried to hug me , i couldn't let him, not now, no-one could make me feel better, not at this moment.

"Don't touch me"

My voice was solemn

"I trusted you"

"Why jai"

"Why would you do this to me"

"Why would you want to do this to me"

He wouldn’t look intently into my eyes

I knew it was wrong but i had to know what was going on, i knew how mean and cold i was being, but i deserved answers.

Not a second did i think that it was 

Jai's choice, only after i calmed down had i realized jai hadn't told me to protect me.

" mikayla i had no choice, you have to believe me, i had no clue"

he stopped at that, he began to cry. had I ever seen jai cry I would of known what to do , crying was my job.

I couldn't stand to see jai in this state, i wasn't prepared for this. I threw the paper on the ground, i was hardly breathing, jai came to comfort me , trying to hug me but I took off, i jumped out that window, onto the freshly cut green grass , looked back up into jai's window, and saw him on his bed with his hands on his head crying , confused.

Poor me? Poor jai. 

Ive never been so frustrated in my entire 15 years of existence,jai the boy i thought i loved turned out to be one of my guardian ordered by my dead mother,does that mean all the kisses hugs and affection were just to make me comfortable and safe,was the fact that jai had treated me this way just because i had a dead father and now a dead mother.does he really love me,does her care about me or does he just feel sorry for me,that last thought was ringing in my head ,my life is completely ruined. What was i to do.

I had no clue who to go to at this point,jai the only guy i had trusted with my life just..... And this was when i wanted to run out of his house and this was when i wanted to forget every little memory we had possibly made together at this moment i was hopeless but what if.. 

I couldnt.

I cried and cried, nearly out of breathe,this was different ruby's party party,different to prom away from the four fingered ring dude,this was in fact the only time i knew,i had no one to go to.

Soo much thoughts where in my mind at this state, in fact too much to list down. I sat on the front padio, i dont know why i didnt run this time , even after what happened just moments ago, i couldn't leave jai , i need jai, but jai needs me more than i need him. I sat down and cried. I left my phone on the grass.