Escaping Hallucinations

Round 18

Date: 16th June 2015

Time: 06:29pm

Ugh. Sai wants us to 'start over'. Hell no.

Huh? What's that? It looks like Nicole has changed her username. It's now 'That Feeling When You Really Like Someone'. Oh. She has a boyfriend now, that's cute.

Well, good for her I guess..

"If you got help, maybe it'd be easier to find someone."

But I don't want 'someone'. I want Nicole!! I love her so fucking much I can't even say how much I love her. Why does she not love me anymore?! I want her so bad...

"My boyfriend is blah blah blah blah blah red hair blah blah blah perfect guy. I feel happy when guys like me."

Yet when girls like you...

"You were a good friend."

Friend? FRIEND?! Excuse me but I was your girlfriend and you loved me!! I wasn't just some friend! Or...was I...?

/She only thought of you as a friend. Why would she fall in love with you?/

"I didn't love you. I don't know why the fuck you think that. I like guys whether they're straight, bi, pan, or ftm, they're still guys so I like them."

Are you kidding me? You're now denying the fact that you ever loved me?! Why?!?!
She loved me!!

"I may of said I did, but I didn't feel it. There was no love from me there."

LIAR.

Now, there are two types of people in the world that I just can't stand: liars and cheaters. They toy around with people's feelings and leave them heartbroken. She lied to me about whether she loved me or not. She's a liar.

LIAR.

"You're a psychopath!"

You loved me...what's the difference between then and now? Why do you love him and not me??

"Well he's a guy! Who's fucking amazing and cute and mentally stable and knows exactly what to say and knows exactly how I feel...he might be clairvoyant because it's almost as if he knows how I feel based off what I'm saying. He's just my type and we have a deep history. Plus we've dated before."

/CRAZY. PSYCHOPATH. NO ONE LIKES YOU. GO DIE. FREAK. MONSTER./

Fucking stop already...you said you loved me...why am I such a freak...if I wasn't a freak she would love me...I fucking hate everything about me...
Why, why can't you just love me?

"Because you're insane as fuck?"

Yeah, I'm totally insane. I sometimes wonder that I'm really adopted and I was born in an asylum. My biological mother heard these voices and those voices were passed down to me. I was then adopted as there was a chance I would grow up to be normal. Please, it's only part of my natural instinct to be asexual. It's so I don't pass the demons to my kids, that's most likely why.

"You actually need to go to an asylum...in all seriousness."

I know I've already had someone say that to me. I say it to myself too.

~

I'm so fucking pissed now. I always get this bad feeling in my chest when I talk to her and now I'm steaming mad. Sai, please just go I'm gonna hurt you. He lied and cheated on me...please just go and leave me be...you're gonna get hurt by me...stop talking to me...JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!

"Now I guess I fucking know where I belong I'm done I'm fucking done with everything."

Wait. No, no, no, no, no. Please don't do this...no...he's gonna die cause of me...no...ugh please don't die...dying isn't nice, no one should die...I'm gonna kill another person no...I didn't say that I wanted you to die...

"That's what you were trying to say."

Please don't say that...I don't want anyone to die...please just stay alive...

/You're killing him again./

What about you Harley? Oh, you're sad again? Now don't be sad. You're amazing and awesome and cool and kamisama! You're one of the best!

/You can't help her, she's going to die anyways./

What do you mean I can't help? I can't help anyone? I just make things worse for them? Will there ever be a way for me to make things better for people?

No? Oh.

I can't...I just can't do this. I'm sick of people dying and getting hurt cause of me.

Time to go to Plan B:

F.E.A.R