𝕊𝕒𝕕 𝕤𝕠𝕝𝕓𝕪 𝕠𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕥𝕤 ♡

If tomorrow starts without me pt.4

"I had so much to live for, so much left yet to do.

It seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad."

Or

Colby goes to visit his mom again. He has a talk with Brennan about what he should do with Sam.

-

Colby ends up staying in bed all week.

He didn't know what to feel when he had woken up and seen Sam by his bedside, eyes red and deathly quiet. He had been on his laptop, typing quickly with his expression a little pleading, face alight by the blue light of the screen.

Somehow, just by looking at him, he could tell that Sam knew.

After asking, Sam had admitted that he had figured it out on his own and that Brennan had firmly refused to tell him, saying that it wasn't his secret to share.

There had been a few threads of anger but it had faded away fast. He had been too exhausted to feel much of anything other than the overwhelming relief that he no longer had to hide .

Out of everyone, he was glad that it was Sam.

"Why didn't you tell me?" The blonde had asked quietly, not meeting Colby's eyes. His fingers were still poised on his keyboard but his gaze was distant. It was clear he wasn't seeing what was actually on the screen and that his thoughts were farther away.

"I didn't know how," Colby admitted through a sore throat, turning laboriously on his side and pillowing a hand under his head so he could keep looking at sam without craning his neck. "I didn't want anything to change."

"How could it not?" Sam had said wetly, shutting his laptop when his tears started to splash on the screen.  "How could you say something like this and not expect everything to change? How could I hear something like that and not-" he had stopped abruptly before he could continue his thoughts like the words had been choked out of him, turning away and hiding his face.

His heart was aching so badly right now he didn't know what else to do. What can he do?

"I'm sorry," Colby had whispered, clenching his eyes shut. He hated this. He hated every second of it.

There was a bout of quietness and then a hand clutching his, desperate like how a scared kid clings to its mom.

"Don't apologize," Sam rasped. "Not for this. Never for this." He had paused for a long while before breaking the quiet by asking, "I read that there were treatments sometimes. To make it easier. Are you...?"

And then Colby had told him where he kept the papers the doctors had given him and then Sam had spent all night studying each and every pamphlet and print out, front and back and up and down, highlighting and underlining and taking notes like he was going to be quizzed.

They were both exhausted the next day even though Colby had slept almost eighteen hours on and off while Sam worked on something by his side, always keeping one eye on his laptop and one on him.

Brennan had come up on the second day with an armful of new protein shakes, saying how these ones should taste much better then his previous ones.

Colby hadn't had much of an appetite, taking slow and small sips of the new shakes to at the very least please his friends. To show sam that he could do it. That he's not leaving just yet. To not give up on him...

When the third day comes, Colby finally feels well enough to get out of bed on his own and walk unassisted even though he still feels every inch of him aching. After the scare he had given them, Brennan had decided to book an appointment for him that they were supposed to go to in the morning.