𝕊𝕒𝕕 𝕤𝕠𝕝𝕓𝕪 𝕠𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕥𝕤 ♡

Everything ive ever wanted.....

Stpuft
Hey guys! How's a going, I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm getting to everyone's request and working on new onehosts for my smutty book as long as my others. I hope you guys are having a amazing day and please enjoy this sad oneshot. Feel free to ask for any recommended chapters.
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Jolting up with a gasp, Colby seized his blankets with fear, his chest rising and falling with large pants as the all too familiar sensation of tears leaking from his eyelids invaded his vision. He squeeze his eyelids closed tightly to try and soothe his rushing mind. "It's just a dream," he reminded himself as he took a few deep breaths.

Lips parting as his eyes drooped back down to their natural state. Colby scratched and pulled at his crazed hair, a feeling of coldness and brokenness nuzzling deep within his shattered ghostly soul. Raging thoughts and thirsty demons sucking his joy from his body and ringing it like a dishrag, his depression and nightly horrors making his knuckles burrow into his first as he began to cry, he held a shaking hand over his mouth as silent screams choked from his pained open gape. The covers that once bulged from his tight grasp slowly sliding from the bed and onto the floor, joining his hidden objects of self inflection.

Not having the strength to move or even attempt to retrieve them, Colby cried harder, his nightmare had felt all too real. Having blurry flashbacks to the nightmare where he sat alone surrounded by everything and anything he could have ever dreamed of Colby slowly glanced out his window that resided on the fiftieth floor.

His feet were craving to jump from the great heights, his mind not knowing how to even try to grasp the situation. Head snapping to the left when his best friend Sam walked in. Colby faintly remembers locking eyes with the elder before taking the daring steps towards the ledge. A timid grin of Sam's face as he watched amusingly.

He desperately wanted to yell out to his best friend, but it felt as if Colby choked on water. His head felt as if he were under. Now just inches from the ledge Colby clawed at his raw throat, Sam still watching with a face full of calmness. Did he not care? Colby cried painfully as he jumped, Sam's grin twisting into a smile as he observed.

And then he woke up.

Still trembling from the memories Colby dug his nails into his skin. He wanted nothing more at that moment then to be ok. To have the deadly nightmares of plummeting off a building or slitting his throat as his loved ones watched smiling to the end.

The lines that were carved into his skin were getting out of hand and almost un-hideable. But day after day he wonders of what his dreams were portraying were true. Would Sam or his parents care if he died? If he just ended it?

Having lived with this fear for long enough, Colby had enough of it. His body was mentally and physically tired of fighting. Every day was a battle to keep his head above water. He was tired of forcing himself out of bed to "act" as though he was fine. Collapsing onto his side as more and more sobs escaped him, Colby screamed into the empty air, his teeth gritting as his hands curled into fists once again and body tensing as more waves of stress and despair washed over him. The smile he carved onto his face every day no longer shaping his needs.

He was torn and traumatized by his own subconscious, the demons he had been forced to live were with draining his life and stabbing his heart until no doctor or any therapist could fix it.

He wanted to die and he wanted it to happen fast. He wouldn't live with the thought of existing any longer.
His tainted mind had gone through many things but the only thing it couldn't pass was it's self. Colby knew he needed help, he knew he needed to fix himself and he knew he needed to do it soon.

Though he still shakily drove the blade across his flopped-over wrist. He sat there in silence, his sobs quieting down along with his deep breathing.