Daraga Series #1: The Fire's Sanctuary

Wakas

you can play the song above: Lover by Taylor Swift


TW: Violence (this might be uncomfortable for some readers, reader's discretion is advised.)

I sighed when my Dad ended the call. Hindi ko namalayan na ngayon lang ako tuluyan na nakahinga nang maluwag. It's Christmas break again, ang mga kaiban at kaklase ko ay gustong-gusto umuwi pero ako gusto ko nalang manatili sa Manila at mag-advance reading pero alam tumawag siya at sinabing umuwi ako.

He said that we must show people that we are a healthy family. I snorted.. healthy? As a Psych major, I know we're so far from being healthy. I can't even breathe properly when I talk to my own Dad.

Kakarating ko lang nang pinatawag agad ako sa office ni Daddy. I went to him and when I saw that he didn't look in a good mood today I braced myself, and I was right once again.

Naglakad siya patungo sa akin and then he threw a punch on my face.

Bago ako pumasok sinabi na ni Manang Yen na kahapon pa raw mainit ang ulo ni Daddy kaya daw baka mapagbuntongan na naman ako. Yes, I already expected this.. doon naman talaga siya magaling.

I remembered when we talked in our Theories of Personality class about the different defense mechanisms that people use.

A defense mechanism is an unconscious psychological operation that functions to protect a person from anxiety-producing thoughts and feelings related to internal conflicts and outer stressors.

Turo sa amin, it's unconscious. You unconsciously do it..maaaring dulot ito ng trauma kaya ginagamit ito para maiwasan ang mga anxiety producing thoughts and feelings.

I always listen to my profs because most of the time.. some concepts remind me of my own father.

Displacement: A defense mechanism transferring one's emotional burden or emotional reaction from one entity to another. This defense mechanism may be present in someone who has a stressful day at work and then lashes out against their family at home.

Naalala ko pa kung paano na lagi iyon ang rason ni Mommy tuwing nakikita ko siyang sinasaktan ni Daddy.. puro pagod lang yan hayaan mo na, siguro ay hindi lang naging maganda ang usapan nila ng Lolo mo.

I smirked, maybe it was caused by his traumatizing childhood.

Pero tinuruan din kami na hindi na kahit valid ang nararamdaman mo, it will not justify your behavior. It doesn't mean that your feelings is valid your behavior is.

Yes, he had a rough childhood but does it really give him the right to hurt people, to hurt me, to hurt my Mom, to hurt my sister.. to hurt other people? Yes, he is stressed with a lot of things pero kami ba talaga ang kailangan niya ang pagbuntungan.

"Defense mechanisms can sometimes be viewed as a type of self-deception. You might be using them to hide emotional responses that you don't want to deal with from yourself." as I read my reviewer. I asked myself is it out of his control?

I learned that to help people that often use this they must be aware of it, because they unconsciously do it. I once told him to stop displacing his anger to the people around him... he beat me more.

That's it, that was my last straw.. my last chance that I gave to him being my father. Despite of things he did, I wanted to help him.. because maybe there's still chance but I lost hope.

He knew about the things I post in my social media accounts. I give my criticism always when I see someone oppressed and the recent politician that had an issue was his friend.. of course, that animal is his friend.

"Delete that.." he said and I wiped the blood on my lips.

I wanted to defy him pero ano namang magagawa ko? With a heavy heart.. I deleted it.