tw: bulimia, eating disorder behaviors, mentions of calories
~found in the archives from the beginning of my recovery~
written on: september 8, 2021
*
Bowed over a toilet bowl
Knuckles grasping the porcelain so hard it could crack
Wave after wave of self hatred fills her throat
Spills out of her mouth
Uncontrollable
So very far from beautiful
The calculator in her mind cannot be stopped
Powered by chemicals she cannot control
Until any calories at all become too many
Only safe for consumption if they are prefaced by a negative sign
So very far from beautiful
Tears carve lines down her face
Disappointment filling her lungs with a bitter substance she cannot breathe
If only the tears could carve down her stomach and arms and thighs
So very far from beautiful
Sweaters and false compliments can't keep the cold away
It swallows her body
She doesn't fight it
After all she is just
So very far from beautiful
How are such ugly actions supposed to make you beautiful?
She does not know, but still she cannot stop.
YOU ARE READING
poetry by jungenwunder
Poetrymy old stuff is pretty bad but my newer stuff is much better, please pay attention to when it was written and feel free to start at the end of the book!! i will have trigger warnings at the beginning of chapters when necessary. stay safe, i love you.
