Each Other's Bridges

Chapter 18

Chapter 18
Piano

KENZIE HADEYA

          I HEARD ANOTHER knock on my door and the weak voice of my brother against the door. "Kenzie, please eat something. It's been two days since you locked yourself in. We're getting worried. I'm sure Lolo is worried." I heard a crack in his voice as he slightly hammered my door. "Kenzie, please listen to me and eat something." He pleaded with his weak voice.

But all I can respond is my weak whimpers and silent sobs. I crumpled myself underneath my sheets and once again cried until my tears run dry.

Since I heard the news of my Lolo's passing from Ilaya, I tried so hard to sleep that night. I was hoping that it was a dream, a nightmare perhaps and I will wake up the next day relieved because it wasn't real. That Lolo is still alive, waiting for us to come home to him and Lola.

But it wasn't a dream. It was real. Something I wasn't prepared of and I never wanted to be prepared for this kind of event.

I tried to prevent it. I tried so hard to convince Lolo to get a check up for us to prevent an illness from getting worse. I asked Ilaya to have a closer look when I'm away and all I got is good news.

That made me feel relieved and I even thought that I was just overreacting. That maybe I was wrong and Lolo is doing okay. That was the reason why I started to not worry that much.

But I hate myself for doing that. If only I didn't kept my suspicions and worries to myself this couldn't have happened. If only I told someone what's going on then maybe we could've prevented it sooner. If only I tried harder to convince Lolo then maybe he's still here. Still waiting for us to come home to his arms and he'll still greet us with his widest smile.

I cried even harder while I pictured him, smiling from ear to ear, watching us lovingly as we goof around.

This is all my fault. Lolo suffered quietly because I wasn't able to provide the voice he needed.

          I OPENED MY tired eyes as I heard a knock on my door. I glanced at my window and it's dark still. Or is it dark again? I completely lost my sense of time.

"Kenzie." It was Yusef. "Until when are you going to lock yourself in? I know this is hard for you and I understand your pain because we are hurting too. But please, wag mong pabayaan 'yong sarili mo. Please, open the door."

But I didn't open the door. I don't have the courage to open the door. I can't face them knowing that we're all suffering because of me.

I'm the one to blame why this is happening. I had the chance to save Lolo but I wasted that chance.

My heart tightened and all that I can do is to pound on it to at least ease the pain. And a memory of Lolo massaging his chest came to my mind. Making my heart rip to shreds as a tear escaped from my eye.

I heard another knock and this time it felt like it's in a panic. "Kenny." Kendall's broken voice broke my heart even further. "Kenny, please listen to us. We're here for you. You don't need to suffer all by yourself. You got us." I heard her sob as she knocked on my door again. "Please, open up to us."

They're doing everything to reach out to me. And it breaks my heart even more because I'm making them suffer again because of me. That they are not only grieving, but they are also worried sick because of me.

But I'm too broken too face them. I'm too broken that I may cause more harm as they try to pick up my broken pieces.

          I WOKE UP not because someone was knocking on my door but because the sunlight slipped through the curtains of my window. It's been days since darkness consumed me. It feels so weird to be greeted by the warmth of the sun with a heavy heart.