"the moth's apprentice" chat noir x y/n

'Do you like me?'

Chat Noir's voice rung in my head for the rest of the day. The rest of the battle was basically just background noise. A dull ringing that pounded my head like a jackhammer. Ladybug's usual song and dance didn't strike any sort of disappointment in my head, though I felt Hawkmoth's anger like a bolt of lightning in my heart. 

The both of us knew we weren't expecting a different outcome, but I know that he always prays for each time to be different. Hawkmoth isn't a bad guy, he's just a lonely man who wants to steal jewelry from teenagers as his pastime. I'm kidding. I've seen him stare at pictures of someone before, but he's never let me see them. 

I'm not stupid, I know that he's doing this to bring someone back to life. The power of the Ladybug miraculous and the Black cat miraculous have the ultimate power of creation and destruction. By destructing the laws of life and death and creating new, one can be resurrected. Hawkmoth made me study all of the Miraculous lore like it was the Bible and I was at Bible camp. 

"You haven't touched your food," Mom said to me, as she pointed to the chicken on my plate. I remembered Vector's words in my head. 'chickens are so closely related to ravens.' This of course, wasn't true, but I hadn't eaten chicken since, out of loyalty. 

"I'm not hungry," I pushed my plate away. "I need to go study." 

"Do you have any idea how disrespectful you're being?" Seth, who I had momentarily forgotten was sitting across from me, raised his voice for the third time this evening. "Your Mom took the time out of her day to cook you a nice home-cooked meal and you don't even have the courtesy in you to eat it and say thank you?" 

"Thank you," I said dully, no energy left to argue. I picked up my plate. "I'm going to eat this in my room when I study. 

Seth grabbed my wrist as I moved to leave and the plate slipped out of my hand. Food clattered all over the ground and the plate smashed into a million white pieces. Mom gasped and stood up from the table, pushing her chair back. It scraped against the ground, a sound that echoed in my brain. 

This is real life, Raven. 

Seth didn't let go, his eyes never leaving mine. "Apologize to your Mother, now." 

Mom didn't make eye contact with me as she bent down to collect the broken pieces. She had no idea, but the broken pieces wasn't just the plate on the ground, it was us too. 

"I'm sorry." I ripped my arm out of his grasp and ran up the stairs, gasping for air. "Vec-Vector," I inhaled sharply. "Ve-Ve-" 

"Oh honey," he flew out of my pocket. "You don't deserve any of tha—" 

I couldn't hear anymore. "Ve-vector. Let's fly." 

I sat utop the school building, laying back and watching the stars. There was something effortlessly peaceful about the vastness of the sky. The stars stretched on forever, a sparkling blanket that coated Paris. It was comforting, knowing that something was more endless than the uncomfortable thoughts in your mind. 

"You're up late," I heard a voice from behind me and I spun around. Chat Noir stood there, his arms not crossed, but limp and defeated at his sides. "I forgot that you come here to think too." 

I turned away from him, not saying anything. If I closed my eyes and screamed as loudly as I could, I could pretend that he wasn't really here. That it was just me and the stars. 

"Look, all I meant is that—-" 

"I don't want to know what you meant," I snapped. "I'm here because I don't want to think, contrary to what you might believe." 

"Raven, please," he sounded so utterly sad that I forgot that I hated him for a second. "I-I know we're not friends, okay? I get that. And I know that we're not just...enemies either. But for tonight, can we be something other than what we really are?" 

He looked defeated, and just...dejected. Maybe his home life sucked too. 

"This is real life," I looked up at him. And then I stood up. "You're right. We can't be anything for each other, and you're right that I should've just let you die." 

A muscle twitched in his jaw. "I didn't—" 

"Stop," I held my hand up. "It's been months that we've been sneaking around at night together, and for what? For fun?" I raised my eyebrows. "Are you having fun right now?" 

"Of course not," he took a step forward. "But that doesn't mean I'm done with—" he gestured between the two of us. "-us." 

I gritted my teeth, and felt my eyes darken. "Well. Maybe I am." 

Without another word, I jumped off the building, flying off into the night. 

I was so naive back then. 

A year ago

"How about we keep this between the two of us?" It was sort of thrilling, sneaking around with the enemy. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "I think you're fucking fierce, Raven." 

Was he just using me the whole time? 

I knew nothing about him. I just liked thinking I was in control of the situation. But I never was. I never have been and I never will be. 

He pressed his forehead to mine. 

"Do you like me?" I asked softly. 

"Does it matter?" He raised an eyebrow. 

"...I guess not."