"the moth's apprentice" chat noir x y/n

Five minutes

"Y/N, is everything okay?" Luka's face was oddly blank as he stared at me. He had been getting distant, but I assumed that was because...I was distant. It wasn't unlike him to ask my about my emotional status. It seemed that all he did was ask me about my well-being. Something that felt too burdening. 

"Actually Luka, there's something I need to talk to you about." 

"That doesn't sound good." 

I paced my words, figuring out the easiest way to let him down. "Luka...." I trailed off, meeting his blue eyes evenly. He was so kind...and thoughtful...and perfect...but it wasn't fair to keep pretending to be in love with him. The responsibility of saving the world was too much, and I didn't have the bandwidth to deal with it all. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can do this." 

Luka nodded slowly, blinking a few times. I could barely spot the disappointment in his eyes, but I knew him well enough to pick it out in his neutral expression. 

"It's just not fair to you...with everything going on...and—" 

"It's okay, Y/N, you don't need to explain it to me," Luka took a step forward, and I could feel the prickles on my neck stand up. It was a sign that this was not where I was supposed to be. I resisted the urge to back up. "Please." He dipped his head. "trust me for a second." 

"I do." 

He reached out and touched the Raven pendant around my neck. "do you want to know why I gave this to you?" A tiny smile played at the corner of his lips. "Well...I mean, I gave you the other one. Not the miraculous." 

"huh?" my brain spasmed out. "What do you mean?" 

How could he possibly know? 

"I've always been good at guessing people's inner melodies," Luka said, smiling down at me. "And your song...well, it sounds like a...something free. Something not worthy of a cage, or anything that ensnares you." He paused. "Does that make sense?" 

I inhaled sharply. "y-yeah. Kinda." 

"I got the necklace at a pawnshop, not realizing it was a replica of the Raven miraculous. It took me a while to figure out that you'd swapped the necklaces out, but I know enough about Miraculous's to recognize the true one of the Raven." 

Luka tucked the head of the pendant back down my shirt, letting the cool metal brush my solar-plexus. "I'm glad you've found freedom, Y/N." He leaned forward. "Never doubt yourself, Raven." He stepped back. "Whatever happens, you'll find a way to rid this world of Hawkmoth. After all, you've got your partner in crime, Ladybug." He winked, gesturing to Mari, who stood across the room, talking to Nino and Alya. They were far enough out of earshot, but Mari glanced over, giving me a quick wave. 

I lifted my hand weakly. 

"Yeah..." I met Luka's gaze again. That felt like the break-up to conquer all break-ups, yet it was the sweetest thing coming from him. "Thank you, Luka. I mean it. You're...you're a brilliant musician. I wish I deserved you." 

Luka dipped his head. "You deserve everything in this world, Y/N. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise." He briefly touched my shoulder, before walking out of the classroom. 

For a second, I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. Luka's words were so profound—they always were. They seemed to hit every heartstring. It made everything ten times worse. 

By the time school was over, I was ready to give up on everything. It must've been difficult for Luka to say all that — after I'd broken up with him for little to no reason. I mean, he knew I was Raven, and he knew Mari was Ladybug, but he couldn't have known anything else. I realized that I no longer had any obligation to tell him anything, but lying to him felt wrong still. 

There was no way I could ever tell him about my feelings for Adrien. If he didn't already know — Luka Couffaine was practically a psychic. 

I slumped down, head on my desk in the privacy of my own room. 

"You should indeed fear me, Y/N," Hawkmoth's voice echoed through the dark cavern, singing twisted promises of the harm that was to come. Chains were looped around my neck, forcing my head up, and their heavy bolt hung from my arms and legs. There were three dark rusted chains tied twice around my waist, pulling me down towards the murky ground. 

The air smelled rancid, and reeked of insane grief. Insanity was what drove Hawkmoth, but grief carried that insanity to power. 

"I don't," I gritted my teeth, clenching my fists against the sharp metal chains. "You have to stop this, before it's too late. You can still save yourself, and your son. Don't you love him?" Something flickered across Hawkmoth's face but it was gone before I could bat an eye. "Don't you love your son?" 

"I have no capacity for love," Hawkmoth's face was dangerously close to mine and he twirled his tie in his left hand, displaying the miraculous he possessed. "I loved once, and now there is only pain." He retreated two steps back. "You love my son, Y/N. You love Adrien, and now you will feel the pain I felt." He flourished his hands and the floor fell out from beneath me. 

I felt myself falling...falling falling—

"Shit," I sat up, accidentally cracking at least three bones in my neck in the process. Sweat plastered my hair to my forehead. I was a complete mess. My heart pounded. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." 

This was the third nightmare this week. Panic was seeping into my veins, taking over my entire system, and it would continue to do this until I did something to stop it. 

I felt my brain running into overload. 

I pulled out my phone, scrolling madly. Tears blinded my vision, but I tried to force them away. I clicked furiously at Mari's contact, which had a whole list of Adrien facts attached to it. She'd forcefully typed them into my phone just in case her's got deleted or stolen or something...

"Hello?" A voice that was certainly not Mari's answered. 

"Shit," the only thing that could come out of my mouth at that moment was a breathless curse word. "Shit. Who—who—fuck?" At that moment, all gravity betrayed me and I fell out of my desk, sleepiness making my movements impossible. "Goddamn it." 

"Y/N?" Adrien asked. "..are you okay?" 

Stupid Marinette and her stupid Adrien information. I stared down in horror at my phone as I realized his contact was literally imbedded in hers. That's certainly not the way that she intended for him to be in her. 

I broke down then, holding the phone away from my head so that I wouldn't sob directly into the microphone. I tried to muffle it for fear that my Mom and Gabriel would come storming into the room. 

I stood up, nearly falling over again, before shutting the door as quietly as possible. Then I turned back to my phone. 

"sorry. Sorry. I'm fine." 

"Birdy..." Adrien's voice sounded far away over the phone and much too pitying. Too pitying for my stupid breakdown. "Hang on, okay?" There was a silence. "Five minutes. Just wait five minutes, yeah?" There was a scramble on the other side of the phone and before I could surmise what Adrien was saying, he hung up. 

Fuck. 

__