I'm all yours (Gilbert X oc)

19. Confessions

Lia's POV

Now that that is dealt with... I think I can finally relax, try to live my life a little. And Bash, being supportive as he is... might... maybe... just maybe... agree to come to Trinidad with me and Gilbert. Because he feels bad? I don't know... I fully doubt he has changed his mind. I can't believe that he doesn't want to see his own mother!

As I was thinking those things... Gilbert walked into the bedroom, which is where I had been sitting, just thinking. Although it seems like everything is all ok and dealt with now... he came in with a concerned look, almost disturbed.

"What's up Gilbert? Are you okay?" I ask.

"Uhm... we'll I am okay, but the thing is... Lia I'm worried about you. I don't fully believe that you are okay."

"What do you mean? I'm perfectly fine... Gilbert are you sure you are okay..."

"Yes I'm fine. It's just..."

"Just what?"

"Idalia why didn't you tell me?"

"Why didn't I tell you what?" I say in a confused voice.

"Well while you were talking to the class, you mentioned that you were willing to let him kill you, that you couldn't be bothered to fight... Lia you thought you were the reason it all happened! Why didn't you tell me that you felt this way?"

"Oh... that."

At this moment in time, I don't seem to have the strength to look at him. I feel so guilty but I know that if I told him I was having these thoughts then he would think I was weak... even weaker than I already was.

"Idalia... you know you can talk to me... I care so goddamn much about you and if you don't care about yourself then I can help you with that, I just need you to talk"

As he says these beautiful words to me I can feel tears building up in my eyes, I don't really notice that they are at my eyes now and I am basically crying, instead I just look up.

I look at Gilbert. I don't care anymore. I can't hide it from him any longer. I look up and I show him the pain in my face. I show him the fear. The exhaustion. The relief, that someone, anyone, knows I feel this way.

"Lia..."

"Gilbert... I'm not okay" I quietly say, "I don't think I have been for a while now"

"Lia, I know... if there's anything in particular that you want to talk about then I am here... okay? But know that if you don't have to talk if you don't want to... if you want me to just get up and leave you to your thoughts that's fine too"

"No... don't leave."

"Okay... I will stay"

"I want to tell you exactly how I feel." 

"Go ahead. I'm listening"

"Well, I guess recently I have just felt really shitty in my head, like everything I do is wrong... or has a consequence. I just feel like I am the reason you have been through all this trouble. I feel like I am ruining your life plainly just by being in it. If I never showed up here the day my dad died then your life would be fine right now. And that's the truth."

"Look, Idalia... as much as that is the truth, I am so glad that you did come here that day, because you are the single best thing that has ever happened to me, even with all the mishaps that come along with you... even though absolutely none of them where your fault! It was that rat of a teachers fault!"

"Fuck. Your right I'm sorry. It's all his fault I let him get to my head"

"It's okay. He's gone now"

I smile at him and walk over to him. I hug him as tight as the day my father passed.

Gilbert's hugs fix everything.