Everything Counts (Book 1)

12. Josh

12. Josh

Me and Niall have gotten used to having someone like always watch us. I can see Niall doesn't like it but he lives with it I guess. I love Niall, more than anything. But he needs someone who can save him when something happens. I can't do that. I'm too scared of what will happen with anything. I think me and all the lads are just scared. Zayn has like this power over us. As much as I wish it wasn't true, but it is. He scares us and I think he's gonna soon just give up on trying to be nice and kill or hurt one of us. After Niall got that text I now think he's going after Niall. Zayn could do anything to freaking scare me. I always sigh when my phone goes off thinking it's Zayn. Zayn could do anything to ruin me and Niall. He could ruin anything. Everything I love could be gone cause Zayn knows like everything. Soon Harry is just gonna give up on everything casue Zayn already made him give up on love. Zayn is killing all of us. I just don't know how far he'll take it. Weather one is dead, he kills one or one gets pushed to kill theirself.. I heard Niall on the phone before and he was crying and telling the person he was talking to he didn't want to do this anymore. Even though I didn't know what this was, could be me and him or his life. I just thought it was his life. I don't want Zayn to push Niall that far. Many people can hurt Niall but not to kill himself. If he gets thinking about killing himself maybe he will soon and I couldn't life if he did that cause I would wanna do the same. I would think it's my fault even though it's Zayn's. I feel bad for pushing him to keep dating me but I know him. He wouldn't just break up with me cause Zayn said so. Zayn is just too powerful. It's not all Zayn, it's his whole freakng messed up team thing. I just want to find out who the team is and do something. Maybe smash a freaking car. I just need something to do before I kill someone. I feel the need to freaking smash Zayn's head. Watch the blood go into a puddle and laugh. All the pain he put me or anyone in he needs to die. He need to feel how many people feel. How Liam almost felt when his brother hit him with the freaking car. But he will get hit in the head and he'll know he hit him. I'll gladly go to jail for killing Zayn cause if he's gone maybe all of this drama would be gone. I'll be doing it for Niall, Harry, Liam and Louis. Even though I don't know Louis that well Zayn has something on him. Zayn doesn't understand what's coming at him. My fist, a bat or a car. Something will hit him and he better know who it was from. He just needs to learn pain even if it means he dies. If he dies he will burn in freaking hell for all I care. I sighed and put water on my face. I need to walk. If I find Zayn then I need a car. I walked out of the bathroom and Niall was eating in the kitchen. I got on my shoes. "Josh where you going" Niall laughed. "For a walk" I sighed. "Shirtless?" Niall laughed. "Yes" I rolled my eyes and walked out. There's nothing wrong with a guy taking a walk in sweat pants. I saw Harry walk out of Zayn's house. What the hell?. "Haz" I yelled. "Josh" Harry's eyes grew big and he blushed. "Why were you in Zayn's house?" "I just needed to uh get something" Harry looked at the ground. "Okay" I rolled my eyes and ran away. Well that was odd. If Harry joined Zayn's side I swear i'm gonna freak out. I need to stop thinking about Zayn and just think about something else. Like Niall. Niall is amazing. His eyes are amazing, they look like a ocean. His lips are always perfectly lined and he always smiled. His nose is cute too. His laugh is the thing that can like bright anyones mood. He laughs all the time even if he's laughing at himself. It's amazing how the lad can just be so happy when something is like wrong or sad. His hair sometimes is sometimes sex hair which is hot. But when we go to school his hair is in a quiff which is also hot too. The way his body fits his clothes is sexy. His pants also sags and you can sort of see his underwear. But I don't understand why he hates his theeth. There so white and pretty. How can someone say he's fat or ugly. He's great looking and fit as hell. The way he sings in the shower or whenever is wonerful. He sings like an angle. He is an angle. He always sings, well not always but alot. I like it when he sings. He's a great singer. He should do something with his singing. I tell him he's a good singer but he doesn't believe me. Whenever I say he's good at something he just blushes and shakes his head. He thinks so bad of himself even though he's great at like everything. I might be the only one who says that but he's great. It's sad that he's pulled down to me. I bet anyone I was his last choice as a boyfriend. I'm worthless. But still I love Niall. No one will love that boy as much as I love him. I would die for him. I would do anything for him. Not just cause he's my boyfriend but cause he's my best buddy. I'm not gonna let anyone or anything between me and Niall. He's my everything. When U tell my mum I hope she sees that I love Niall and let me be gay. I told my dad and he's fine but I just haven't told my mum. She doesn't like gays. That's why she didn't like Niall or Liam at first. Liam was gay by 12 so my mum thought he was stupid. I didn't care what she thought of Liam cause it wasn't her child. I just care what she thinks about me cause she's my mum. I just want her to understand how much I love Niall and i'm never leaving him. He would just break if I told him i'm gonna break up with him cause of my mum or anyone. I don't wanna see him fall. I can't help him forever but i'll help him for as long as i'm in his life. I sat down on a bench and took out my phone. A message from Niall and one from unknown.. Oh shit.

Niall: hey babe! wanna go to nandos with me for breakfast? :) xx

To Niall: Of course! I'll be home in a bit! :) x

Unknown: Hey Joshie ;) Harry joined something. Giving up now? xx -Z

I sighed and just put my phone away and ran home. I swear if Harry joined that messed up freaking dumb group thing i'll kill him. If he hurts anyone he's dead.

-*-

"Niall your gonna get fat" I laughed as Niall shoved food in his mouth. "I already am" Niall winked and said with his mouth full. "Your an idot" I laughed and took a sip of my soda. "So wanna go to the park today Joshie" Niall poked me. "Can't. Gotta meet up with Harry" I sighed. "Why?" "Cause he needs to speak to my bat" I laughed. "Josh he's not gonna join Zayn." "Then explain the text Mr Horan" I laughed. "I can't" Niall laughed. I saw Liam and Louis holding hands as they walked into nandos. "LIAM" Niall yelled. Liam said something to Louis and walked over to us. "Why you in public with Mr Tomlinson?" "Holding hands" I laughed. "Cause I can. He's my boyfriend" Liam laughed. "Still.. won't like a teacher or something notice" I gave Liam a look. "I don't care anymore Josh. He's gonna quit soon anyways" Liam shrugged. "Will you guys sit with us" Niall pouted. "Sure" Liam laughed and walked back over to Louis. "Should we tell him" I looked at Niall. "He'll find out on his own" Niall sighed while looking at Louis and Liam. "True" I sighed. Liam and Louis came and sat by us. "Aye Mr Tomlinson" Niall smriked. "Niall.. Call me Louis" Louis rolled his eyes. "Fine. Louis" Niall laughed. Liam rolled his eyes. When Liam finds out, well if it's true, that Harry is on Zayn's side, group, thing, it will kill him. He's gonna find one way or another. Then Louis's phone went off. He looked at it and sighed. "I'll be right back" he fake smiled. He walked out of the place. "Liam Harry is on Zayn's side" Niall sighed. "That's why he's been leaving the house alot?" "I guess so" Niall shrugged. Liam put his hand through his hair. "Wanna stay with us for a while" Niall smiled. "No, it's fine. I'll just maybe try to talk him out of it" Liam sighed and looked like he wanted to smash his head on the table. "That's the thing, you can't. If you do then he knows you know. Then Zayn will maybe do something to him. Zayn has this power over Harry even though it was his choice. Now that Harry's in it there's no way he can get out unless Zayn let's him out" Niall sighed. "How do you know that Niall? What if he can back out whenever he wants?" "Okay, remember Ajay" Niall rolled his eyes. Me and Liam nodded. "Well he moved away well actually we don't know what happened to him but he was part of Zayn's thing. Maybe Zayn killed him or forced him to move" Niall kept talking all smart and I couldn't understand. "Oh" Liam sighed. "Yeah. We just have to find out how to stop Zayn. But before that we have to find who's in the group thing." "All we know is there's Kevin, Harry and Zayn. Isn't that enough" Liam put his head on the table. "Maybe. We just need to know what they know and maybe we can take them down" Niall smiled. "Alright" I smiled at Niall. "I just need my Harry back and to not have someone freaking watching me" Liam growled. "I know. And were gonna help you Li" Niall smiled. "You better cause I can't do this myself" Liam smirked. This is gonna take a while but I think Niall knows how to stop this without me going to jail. "Can't I just kill Zayn and Kevin" I tried to stay serious. "No" Niall laughed. I laughed and put my hand on Niall's.

-*-

I walked into my flat. I was just at Harry's place but he didn't really say much. Niall was on the couch crying and his bags next to him. "Niall" I looked at him. His head shot up and he wiped his tears. "Josh I love you. But I don't think us being together is gonna work. I'm gonna move back with my parents. Josh don't cry. Just i'll see you in class" Niall got up from the couch. "You know if you get a new boyfriend or girlfriend Zayn will go after them too" I stopped Niall from leaving. "Yes" Niall sighed and walked out of my flat. Then my phone went off.

Unknown: Looks like your little buddy gave up too. :) 2 more to go. You or Liam first? ;) -K

I threw my phone across the room and it broke when it hit the wall. Zayn pulled Harry into his trap now Niall.. I swear if Liam gets pulled into that too i'm gonna kill some bitches. But i'm never going into that group. I just sat on the couch and cried. When I thought everything was fine with me and Niall everything gets ruined. By Zayn and now I need a new freaking phone.. I wish I could just end it all. I could. I got off the couch and grabbed rope. I then ran into my room. I put the rope on my closet's bar. I put a chair under it and hung myself. I just didn't care anymore. I slowly pushed the chair away as my neck started to hurt. Maybe if I close my eyes it would hurt less..