"Let's catch a flight change the weather. And I promise forever.", I sung as I did my baby hair. My cousin is having a cook out before school is back in session.
"Momma!", I heard Papa shouting walking in my room.
"What?!", I asked confused.
"We wanna go play!"
"Boy stop yelling at me."
"You're taking forever."
"Im done Yosohn, god. Here I come.", I said shaking my head. He stopped away and I rolled my eyes as I grabbed my purse.
...
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While I was making me and Manny a drink in the kitchen Jayda walked in. "Hey Jaz.", she said as she leaned against the counter. I looked at her then back at the drinks. We said hey and bye but not in the room alone since she was saying I got her sloppy seconds. We was always cordial though. "I'm sorry for the last time we actually talked. I was trippin cause I was into with my nigga and I saw how Manny loved on you. Me and Manny are as nothing honestly. I was wrong, I'm sorry.", she said. I looked up at her.
I smiled and opened my arms. "I forgive you cousin.", I said as we hugged.
We both went back outside. She sat in her seat next to her man and I sat in mine. I needed this family time, especially after losing the baby. I still blame myself.
...
We all lit, I think I'm more fucked up than everybody else but whatever. The girls all in the kitchen, the guys outside shooting dice, and the kids in the front room playing.
All my cousins was talking but I couldn't pay attention. Everything started hitting me. My miscarriage, my brother, my baby daddy, how Tae fucked me up and now I'm struggling to let Manny love me how I deserve to be loved.
I just looked down at my cup as my eyes got watery. "Jaz the blunt on you.", I heard as it got quiet.
"Aww she crying. What's wrong?" They wrapped their arms around me and rubbed my back.
"Y'all I was pregnant, and I lost my baby. Manny wanted to take care of us but I kept working and I had a miscarriage. I hate myself for that shit. Then I miss my brother and my son ain't never gone know his daddy bro. He wasn't shit so maybe it was for the best, but I swear he was starting to come around before he died like he knew. And and Tae fucked me up so bad that won't even let this man love me correctly and that's all he wanna do. I love him so much y'all. Oh my god I'm so drunk.", I cried out slurred. They was hugging and and giving me encouraging words.
"Baby that's you?", I heard Manny ask confused. We all looked at the door and all the guys were there. They all had stacks of crumbled up money in their hands.
Everybody left the kitchen as he walked to me. He pulled me up and hugged me. "What's wrong?", he asked. I started talking but then I had to throw up so I ran to the garbage and threw up.
I felt my braids get pulled back as I threw up.
When I was done throwing up I laid on the floor and fell asleep instantly to the sound of Manny calling my name and shaking my leg.
