I sat in my drive way as the rain poured. I just got off work. It has been a long week. Just finished the process of the restraining order against Tae, Papa just got over a bad cold, somebody slashed 3 of my tires I think it was Tae. I paid for it cause I ain't want my insurance to go through the roof. I think all of that is also making me feel shitty about myself. I feel like a bad mom, I feel like I'm not doing enough, I feel like I'm not there enough. I only feel like this when I'm dealing with shit.
I put my head on my wheel and exhaled. "Father God don't take this pain away just please strengthen me. This stuff is getting hard, I'm not gone give up though I can't. The stronger the soldier the tougher the battle. Thank you for Papa, thank you for all the blessings you gave me and continue to give me to this day. Please continue to watch over my son and help guide him to greatness. Please continue to protect and keep my momma in good health as she gets older. Please keep K'Monie and Manny safe and protected wherever they go. Thank you for everything." I looked up and exhaled. "Okay girl you got this." As I grabbed my stuff it stopped raining.
I went in and showered right away. I'm gonna go take Yosohn and K'Monie to Chuck E Cheese for like an hour before I drop them back off. I'm a bottle girl/host tonight. I also have a lash appointment after Chuck E Cheese.
Manny asked if we had plans tonight but I told him I worked. Some dude Khalid know is having a birthday party and wanted little me to host. I turned it down cause it was late notice but he offered 50,000 so of course I had to do is party. I get that and whatever the dudes tip even though it don't be too much.
...
While I was getting ready for the club I got a knock on my door. I'm not expecting anyone so I just looked. "Who is it?!", I shouted from the stairs.
"Manny!", I heard from the door. I closed my robe and went to open the door. I moved over so he could come in. I asked him to drop me off some weed before I had to go in it totally slipped my mind.
"You wanna it in my room? I'm getting ready."
"Yeah fa show." He followed me to my room. I got ready as he opened a bag. "You hosting tonight or bottle girl?"
"Both. Some dude Khalid know having a last minute and offered me 50,000 so yeah. I had to take it.", I said.
"I'll see you there then.", he said. I looked at him with wide eyes. "What?", he asked setting a sack on my dresser.
"I'm fenna look like a ho."
"I'll tip." He shrugged and I pushed his arm while laughing. "That's all you needed you sure?"
"Yeah. Imma just smoke them 2 blunts then take a shot when I get there. That should loosen me up. I'll be good to go out.", I said.
"You smoke there?", he asked.
"I can if somebody from the party hands it to me but I can't take it. Ion be taking it though cause they be laced with shit. Some of they ass be on some drugging shit. So I pour my own shots and don't smoke."
"I'll pass you a blunt. I'll see you a'ight?" I nodded. We hugged then he left.
...
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