Fallen From Grace

The Proposal

Every Tuesday Nan and I would sit down at her dining room table and ate cornbeef sandwiches with a cup of tea, sometimes with an egg custard or other times a little strawberry trifle. Other times I found myself eating a prepackaged microwavable liver and bacon meal and she would like to eat fish, chips with mushy peas and to finish we would have a cornetto along with putting the world to rights. 

One of the early talks we had was about people not bothering with her. I didn't have to ask what she meant because she then explained.

"When someone dies..."

She meant my Grandad.

"People always say that they'll be there for you or if you need anything they'll come and they say all these nice things but they don't."

"They probably meant well," I say.

I was perhaps a little gullible, perhaps. I could see it from my Nan's perspective but I tried seeing what they said at least as a kind thing.

"Or they wouldn't say it otherwise but like you said they don't follow it though."

I said trying to explain it from that point.

"But they don't!"

My Nan got fired up over this because to her it was simple if you say something you'll do and you don't do it that's no good because she's living day to day from losing her husband. The mental pain, the emotional pain and falling into depression because of it because what was wrong with people to Nan was that everyone surrounded her at first for the first couple of weeks when Grandad died but the truth is, months later when she needs someone where are all the people that say they'll be there?

My heart aches for her. Trying to help, I offered up a solution.

"Why not call someone up and cry on the phone to?"

"Why should I have to do that?"

Nan's voice sounded hoarse and sounded put out at the very idea she called.

"I can't see to dial the numbers. It doesn't take a lot for other people to pick up the phone. And what about all these joggers?" Nan clears her throat. "All the people he's helped over the years."

My Grandad, god rest his soul was a runner. It fills my heart with joy and proudly beam telling people he did such an activity. The thing is with my Grandad, he actually had a perfect heartbeat for a runner and he did it for the sheer enjoyment of it. He also set up a running club for people and helped train many, many runners. I could not be more proud of my Grandad. My Mom actually years ago said to him what he fancied for a birthday present as his birthday was in July and then she said how about a granddaughter?

I was always told how his eyes just filled up with happiness and that I should have witnessed how happy his face filled. I loved my Grandad's smile, with perfect teeth and a lightness that lit up his entire face I was so happy around him.

What happens when you talk to someone a lot older you learn things, especially someone who has lived through the second world war I find they have a lot of interesting stories about their life that I got to hear from especially Nan and enjoyed. It truly didn't bother me if she ever repeated herself I loved these nostalgic stories. How she met Grandad. What her Mom was like. What her brothers were like. Knowing Auntie Grace from a young age and what I found was she imparted pearls of wisdom my way and it was great to be able to hear her voice over certain things she said in my head that I could right now repeat word from word.

For example when Nan was at school she saw two planes in the sky a German plane fighting against one of ours and the bullets that were firing from both of them made her think of her Mother at home and that she was all on her own so that prompted her to run all the way home just to check on her. Of course she got told off by her Mother when she arrived and by a teacher when she came back because she put her life in danger but all she thought of was her Mom.