Fallen From Grace

Where Do We Go From Here?

It was days away from Annie's baby shower, and she still hadn't told me any baby names. It was getting ridiculous, but Mom had privately messaged me...

"You still haven't asked her?"

Just like that from that shaming comment, she was telling me it was my fault and that I should have had to ask her because in her eyes, the responsibility was all down to me to contact Annie. I would have. I know I could. I had gotten used to a long time ago doing things that felt uncomfortable, that I didn't like by putting myself in socialy awkward situations in order to make someone feel better (even if that other person should be calling with exciting news) so that was why I was strongly against doing it. That was Kimberly Middleton. I was Kimberly Cooke, I had more respect for myself. I didn't do things like that anymore.

"Never mind," she added. "Too late now."

I could feel the patronising disgruntledness oozing from those five words.

"I know it's shocking Annie hasn't told me," I replied. "If that was me, I'd be so excited I'd be ringing her up out of excitement saying guess what? Guess what names I've chosen!"

I didn't want to get involved with this kind of debate, but Mom had gotten herself to be right in the middle of us and as I would have thought as this was an ongoing debate that me and Mom were having that she would have passed the gossip back to Annie as she loved passing information on.

"She wanted to tell you the names of her sons before the baby shower before she tells anyone else."

Then why wasn't she?

"She wants to tell both you and Andy together."

"Okay."

I was nothing if not reasonable.

"Get her to phone Andy and I up later and get her to tell us."

"She's telling me you don't care enough to ask! She's pregnant and hormonal, and she's getting upset."

Again. Moms telling me it's my fault, therefore always making it my responsibility. Always looked upon to be the "bigger person."

"Why's it always my responsibility?"

I asked.

"Tell her to pick up a phone and talk to me."

I was getting sick of these Miss Piggy In The Middle conversations from Mom, as I surely didn't put her there because it was all Annie's doing and by Mom giving her the time of day listening to her complain about me. As Annie would have been saying all these things to Mom and that would be where Mom got all these snippets of information from and things that should have been kept private between the two of them, I knew. I had debated before now which was worse not knowing they engaged in conversations behind my back or the fact Mom thought it was appropriate to tell me everything because even to my listening ear it was all wrong and could have messed with my head. So Mom and I began messaging back and forth. I wanted to cut Mom out of this position and kept prompting Mom to put it back on Annie to do something. Truthfully Mom had been making it worse for a long time because by engaging Annie when she was spouting crap off about me behind my back because it was, whether or not Mom thought she was helping me by telling me this or that Annie thought I didn't care or whatever else it was - Mom was still listening to her giving Annie a chance to say what she liked over me instead of Mom turning around saying she didn't want to know and have it out with your sister.

"Tell her if she's got something to say, point her in the direction of me, thanks."

I would handle my sister. I'd take whatever she chucked at me. She was my sister. Maybe I was going to be taking this fight and this particular battle on with Mom after all. Before I messaged her back, as I began to punch in the letters on my mobile keypad to write, Mom was writing back because I could already see those little dotts in the bottom corner kept blipping up going up and down, up and down like a little snake. I wondered how long a message she was going to be writing or if I could finish and send my message before her. Then, I stopped and thought I'd better hold back to see what she'd reply with.